Fun on Craigslist - me contacting people

[LaaMok]

I started this tonight, for a bit of fun. I am Kevin and my writing is in BOLD.

 

Original Advert

 

"Friendly and responsible dogsitter/walker available. I have a dog myself, so I know how important your beloved pets are and I guarantee good care for your dog. I'm very good with dogs, I've been around them all my life and just love them.

I do the whole of the East End, Old Street, Shoreditch, Bethnal Green, Liverpool Street, Brick Lane, Hoxton, etc.

Rates are £20 an hour.

Call Memo on 078809*****"

 

Memo

 

I live on stepney way, do you cover that area? I have some issues with work, which means that I don't have time to look after Hutch, my rottweiler.

 

Kevin (me)

 

Hi Kevin, thank you for replying to my ad.

I do cover the Stepney area. I love Rottweilers, I used to have one myself.

I'd be more than happy to look after Hutch. When would you need me to pick him up and what would you like me to do with him? I can walk him or I can just look after him (dogsit) at your place or mine. I live in the Hoxton area with my labrador, who loves being around other dogs.

I can also feed or give baths for a small extra fee (obviously optional).

Regards,

 

Memo.

 

Hi Memo,

 

Better that you take the dog for a walk and drop him off at my friends, its too complicated to house sit. I am on a business meeting for 3 days, could you possibly go to the house and pick up the dog for me? Take him for a walk for one hour and drop him off at a friends house, that is on Redmans road. How much would you charge for this?

 

Then we can see about using this service for friends of mine.

 

Thanks

 

Kevin

 

Hi Kevin, that's not a problem at all. I charge £20 an hour for walks. When would be best for me to pick him up?

Cheers,

Memo.

 

Hi Memo,

 

as I am away for 3 days, you can pick him up when possible.

 

Better make it between 9 am and 5 pm while my ex is out.

 

You can pick a day, but the sooner the better, before the court case

is better, because there might be more complications.

 

Is tomorrow good?

 

Thanks

 

Kevin

 

Hi Kevin, tomorrow is perfect. how's 10:00 am for you?

can I have your address and mobile number please?

cheers,

Memo.

 

Hi Memo,

 

The address is 1** Stepney Way, make sure that there isnt a black

mondeo on the drive, we have to make sure that the ex wife isn't at

home. On the left of the house is a walkway to the back on the house.

There is a six foot fence, just use the wheely bin to go against the

fence and jump over.

 

Dont be scared of the dog, he likes to bark alot, but once you are

over, he will calm down, if you have a problem, there is a broom

handle, next to the drain pipe, if he goes for you, hit him a few

times as hard as you can and he will calm down,.

 

Then please make sure no one sees you leave and take the dogs to my

friends house. He will pay you 30 pounds for your help.

 

If the ex wife turns up, just tell her that you are the gardener.

 

I will appreciate this alot and I can get your more jobs like this

 

Thanks

 

Kevin

 

wow, that's pretty specific. ok boss, i've got it. no worries. understood, etc.

where am i taking the dog then?

i'm not stealing the dog from your ex-wife am i?

don't worry, i'm pretty sure i can handle this.

 

Memo

 

My friends house is on 4* Redmans road, he will be waiting with the

cash. He will also leave the door unlocked, just incase you have to

run to his as fast as you can.

 

Of course my ex wife knows that you are collecting the dog, its just

better if you do it while she is at work, before the court case gets

messy, she's keeping my TV for christ sake, she is lucky that I am

not collecting that?

 

could you do TV collections?

 

Thanks

 

kevin

 

I'm afraid I haven't got a car for the TV.

what's your friend's name?

do i have to be careful of your neighbors seeing me jump the fence? does your dog have a lead?

 

Memo

 

No problem.

 

The TV is only 42 inches flat screen, you can put it on the skate

board thats in the garden, tie some rope around the skateboard and

pull it along. I dont have a dog lead, if you can find one in the

house, its a bonus, if you see anything else in the house that you

like, you can just pocket it as payment. There is a great watch in

the kitchen draw, underneath the Gordon Ramsey cook book. Maybe you

can grab the cook book for me, I am missing my space cake recipe.

 

Make sure that no one sees you jumping the fence, there are some

bushes there, so its not a problem. However, be quiet when you are

getting in the back door, because someone might hear you, and get the

wrong idea that you are robbing the house. I have receipts, if you

need to show them later down the line.

 

Dont worry about damage to the door, her settlement will be more than

enough to pay for that!

 

I hope that I have given enough information. The TV is sorely missed

and I havent been able to sleep at night.

 

Thanks

 

Kevin

 

Hi Kevin, sorry, I'm afraid I'll have to decline your offer. i don't want to be involved in any illegal activities. i walk dogs, not repossess belongings, let alone steal things.

Best of luck,

Memo.

 

Hi Memo

 

I am sorry to hear this, I've sat here for an hour sorting out our deal? What about my poor dog being left alone in the house all day on his own?

 

I am going to have to send your email address to the RSPCA and tell them that you are offering to look after dogs, but you just leave them locked up without food all day.

 

There are so many timewasters on craigslist and I am going to have to get someone to let the dog out onto the main road. I hope he finds a good home, if he dies, will you bury him for me?

 

How much do you charge for that? How much to throw some Poison over the fence?

 

Thanks

 

Kevin

 

Oh, by all means contact the RSPCA. It's not my dog and he's not my responsibility. I have nothing to do with this.

This is not the turnout I would have hoped. All I was offering was to walk your dog, not break into your wife's house.

ta muchly,

M.

 

Hi Memo,

 

I found her bent over the kitchen table with Frank the bouncer, how do you think that makes me feel? He's got a cock twice the size of mine and has a far better car. How come she gets to keep the dog? and the TV!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Maybe you could be a character reference for me in court in two weeks, just need to tell the judge what a good man I am, and how I love animals. You could also mention that I am depressed without the TV, and if its a choice, go for the TV.

 

I am sure that I will win custody and then you can walk my dog on a daily basis?

 

Thanks

 

Kevin

 

I'm very sorry to hear that, Kevin. I really do hope you win custody of the dog. Should you succeed in doing so I will be more than happy to walk him, just as long as I don't have to do anything illegal, besides perhaps eating space cakes. I like those...

 

 

 

Thats the end of it now, I grew to like her! What a good sport!

[McFly]

TV on the skateboard? LOL!

[kuffki]

So when are you going to ask her to fly over to Thailand to take your dogs for a walk and also to bring the TV in the luggage?

 

I already feel sorry for the poor girl

[ljc]

good little storey i was pissing myself laughing at times,when will the rest be up?

[LaaMok]

good little storey i was pissing myself laughing at times,when will the rest be up?

 

I just updated it with two more replies hahaha

[LaaMok]

I feel bad.... can someone please give her some work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[PepeLePew]

I feel bad.... can someone please give her some work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Found out her age and vital stats and I might be able to offer her an ST or 2!

[LaaMok]

Found out her age and vital stats and I might be able to offer her an ST or 2!

 

I think its a dude?

[chuckwow]

lol

 

Rates are £20 an hour.

Makes you appreciate Pattaya

[USANA-Thailand]

Hahaha I can just imagine when Memo got to the part that said "There is a six foot fence, just use the wheely bin to go against the

fence and jump over." hahaha classic. More more =)

[blueboy0510]

classic, love it

[Edge]

You are soooooo stark raving mad........

 

....and you have soooooo much time lol.

 

Keep 'em coming.

[LaaMok]

You are soooooo stark raving mad........

 

....and you have soooooo much time lol.

 

Keep 'em coming.

 

I am doing them to make a site hopefully!

[PepeLePew]

I think its a dude?

 

[dirtdog]

Craigslist... a magnet for the worlds idiots. i once had a guy drive 3 hours to buy the stock exhaust off my dirtbike for $20... he showed up and looked it over then said he didn't have the $20 and would call me later. the 3 hour drive in his lifted ford f-250 must have cost him at least $60...

[Alleycat]

I shit my pants on reading this......No really!.............

[Buddy Edgewood]

LOL! This is funny shit!

 

Reminds me of this:

 

http://www.dontevenreply.com/all.php

[LaaMok]

LOL! This is funny shit!

 

Reminds me of this:

 

http://www.dontevenreply.com/all.php

 

He was my inspiration, i was in tears of laughter reading that website

[leadpencil]

Excellent! Was laughing out loud all the way through.

 

I am doing them to make a site hopefully!

 

Great idea!

[Anokanite]

That's funny. I just heard that Craig's list was cutting out personal's, so now it's moved over to dog walking. leave it to you to figure it out, and so fast too.

[Grumpy]

Troll!

[LaaMok]

That's funny. I just heard that Craig's list was cutting out personal's, so now it's moved over to dog walking. leave it to you to figure it out, and so fast too.

 

They only cut out the erotic section in USA and maybe Canada soon

[LaaMok]

I have 7 more people on the go, but nothing juicy yet! Its harder than I thought!

[LaaMok]

I have quite a few more on the go, but they arent as funny, I will post it anyway. I am Kevin again and my writings in bold.

 

 

Original Advert

 

£5000 loan required (London-Islington)

 

If you can help then get in touch and we can discuss terms. In full employment.

 

 

 

I noticed that you want to borrow 5000 pounds, whats it for and can you tell me a bit about yourself?

 

Thanks

 

Kevin

 

 

 

Hello Kevin,

 

I am a 27 year old male. Graduated in 2006 and now in full employment. I earn a basic of £1000 a month plus commission which obviously varies.. by example last month was fairly busy so it amounted to another £869. (take home= £1450).

 

The reason I need the loan is debt consolidation. The money would enable me to pay off my debts and reduce everything to a monthly payment which would also give me breathing room. At the moment i'm just getting the money in and paying off debts leaving myself close to my overdraft.

 

It would be a huge help and I believe it to be a manageable amount if we could agree on a monthly repayment shedule and can obviously provide payslips, ID etc as required.

 

 

 

Hi there,

 

what is your name?

 

I have three questions for you.

 

1. Are you sure 5000 is enough?

2. Whats your address?

3. Why don't you get a unsecured loan from the bank?

 

Thanks

 

Kevin

 

 

 

Hi Kevin,

 

I mean no offence but I am reluctant to give out those details until I can establish you are genuine. Perhaps we can meet? My credit rating seems to be too poor based on the applications I have had rejected. I'm pretty sure 5000 will be enough. I expect to have a better handle of my finances within 6 months or so. Its really just meant to give me breathing space over that period.

 

 

 

Hi Omar,

 

You are the one asking me if you can borrow 5000 pounds, if you are unprepared to give me your address, how will I know that I can trust you? I don't want to meet some random stranger thanks.

 

Why do you have a bad credit history, do you have unpaid loans?

 

How much would you be able to afford to pay back every pay cheque?

 

Thanks

 

Kevin

 

 

 

I simply meant I didn't want to give out my address until I was sure you were genuine. Meeting seemed like a good way to reassure both parties. I have a graduate loan which I pay 83 pounds a month on, that has around 1800 left. Up to speed on those payments. With regard to my credit rating as I had a barclays credit card at uni that was maxed out and that went to debt collection agencies. But another factor I am told is that I am in my agreed overdraft too often. The overdraft is 1450 and as I say I've got into a cycle if wages coming in and out quickly paying bills and debts.

 

Ideally something in the region of 200 pounds a month would be comfortable maybe 250. You can give me a call on 07880***** if that is preferable to meeting.

 

 

 

Hi Omar Little,

 

I did some research on your name, I noticed that you are the main character in "The Wire" don't they pay you enough? I also read that you don't rob or menace people.

 

I would like your autograph for a start, now I see why you dont want to hand out your address, you don't want lots of crazy fan mail taking up your time and hiding your bills

 

Thanks

 

Kevin

 

 

 

Hi Kevin,

 

I never said my name was Omar. I can't say I have been through this process before so thought it wise to create this account as a buffer in case I do not encounter genuine offers. I'm more than happy to provide my real details once I can be sure the offer of help is serious. As I imagine you would want to see ID for example its fairly obvious I am not pretending to be Omar little...great character that he is (If you have not watched the wire I strongly recommend it!).

 

I dont mean to alienate a potential lender, I am just concerned at being taken for a mug.

 

My post code is N7 9RQ

 

 

 

Hi Omar,

 

So you wont give me your real name, you wont give me your address, you have a bad credit rating, lots of loans, I dont know you. Sounds great.

 

I LOVE the risk, it sounds like fun... not sure how I can send you the money though?

 

Are you gay like Omar? sorry for being personal, but I thought I would ask? Maybe we can sort out funding another way? Do you have a sister?

 

 

 

Kevin,

 

At no stage have you given me the impression you are a serious lender, and your latest email is nothing short of farcical.

 

I have already stated that all supporting documents would readily be provided once credibility is established yet you seem very reluctant to do so. You seem to be suggesting meeting is out the question.. 'meet a stranger...no thanks', yet you are implying you would readily lend 5000 pounds to a stranger you have never met on the basis of him telling you a name and address?! Laughable. You seem reluctant to even have a basic conversation by telephone. If you are so adverse to all this I expect you anticipate all our transactions to take place via email, online banking and direct debit. None of your actions add up. I would have expected a serious lender to at the least call and establish more credibility for both parties before randomly asking for a name and address..both of which I could easily fabricate.

 

A strange way to waste your time and exactly the reason I set up this account to sift through the timewasters. Thank you for proving my decision correct. And I hope you continue to enjoy yourself randomly trolling these ads!

 

Regards

 

'Omar'

 

 

 

Hi Omar,

 

I seen you advert and I thought what a joke, but due to my financial

status, I thought hang on a minute, maybe this guy needs some help,

just like I got help setting up business at the start.

 

Then you supply me with false names, email address and then you call

me a troll!

 

If you want to scam people on here, you should try and think of

something more clever.. maybe sell some stitching machines to old

grannies or something, that made me some good cash last year.

 

You could also pretend to collect money for blind children, everyone

likes to pay for children charities.

 

I just think that you could have put more imagination into your scam,

rather than making it so obvious, you think people wont notice.

Whats worst that a scammer... a lazy one, that doesnt even have the

manners to think of a new idea... what is the world coming to.

 

Do you expect that there are people around thick enough to send a

stranger 5000 pounds without knowing any details at all?

 

Lets start from fresh... whats you name and how can I get the money to

you, without knowing your bank details? western union?

 

I do like to help strangers out, I once put an advert on craiglist to

let everyone know that my neighbour was on holiday for two weeks,

after she came back, she sold the house and moved out. Dave from

down the road was so grateful that the area no longer had someone that

calls the police when his son wants to take his kawasazi KDX up and

down the road. I'm helpful like that, a community service!

 

Let me know how we can move forward from this

 

Thanks

 

Kevin

 

 

 

Kevin,

 

I am not sure why someone would take so much time out to 'wind someone up' or whatever it is you think you are doing. I believe you may need a hobby. My suggestion would be taking up the wire. Simply the best TV show I have ever seen.

 

 

 

Hi Omar,

 

Thanks for the suggestion, I am now downloading The Wire, not sure

how it will make me money though and its not porn, so I am unsure how

it will add value to my life.

 

As you don't want my money, I have made a business plan for you, I

usually charge 100 GBP + VAT, however I want to help you as you seem

polite.

 

1. Sign up to http://www.adultwork.co.uk/

 

Put your rates as 30 GBP per blow job, you will get quite a few

takes, (its not gay if your getting paid) I am not gay but it worked

out well for me.

 

2. Buy tickets to Anthony Robbins seminar, its life changing

 

http://www.tonyrobbinseurope.com/

 

After you will feel THE PASSION, you will be a YES person and your

career will explode!

 

Once you have around 10000 pounds saved, you could buy yourself a

nice Fiat panda with a 9000 pound registration plate, and all the

girls will be all over you, and the blow jobs will be long forgotten.

 

Thanks

 

Kevin

 

 

 

Thanks for that Kevin.

 

I am starting to conclude you are a very strange chap.

 

I dont see what you get from wasting your time like this but all the best to you. As I said earlier your actions serve to prove I was right in creating this buffer.

 

Until next time.

 

'Omar'

 

 

 

HI Omar,

 

Thanks, Please let me know how my business plan goes, it takes alot

of balls to complete it, but I am sure you can be a YES man too.

 

If you need help writing a catching bio about yourself on adult

friends, you can use the one I used, here it is. Normally i charge 20

dollars for copywriting, but you can pay me when you have some money

saved.

 

"New straight man to the game, can suck a tennis ball through 10

metres of hose pipe, 30 quid for a deep throat bare back blow job and

cum in mouth, half price for cocks over 10 inches"

 

You will get alot of meetings from this advert.

 

thanks

 

Kevin

 

 

 

Sad man. Funny in parts...but sad never the less.

[Scumbag]

For some real fun you should get onto 419 Eater.