Kiss Food & Drink on 2nd Road

[Evil Penevil]

 

(pic from the Internet)

 

In the words of Richard Nixon, let me make on thing perfectly clear:  I ate at Kiss Food & Drink under protest.  I was supposed to have had dinner with a friend and his Thai companion at a different restaurant near Kiss, but she didn't see anything on the menu she liked and asked to eat at Kiss.  I suggested other options, farang and Thai, that were close by, but she insisted on Kiss.  At the urging of my friend and for the sake of harmony, I agreed to eat there for the first time in about five years.

 

 

To cut to the chase:  It was stunningly undistinguished food.  Not good, not bad, just mediocre.  As an overall dining experience, it was below average due to the heat, fumes and noise of Kiss' exposed location at the corner of 2nd Road and Soi Diana. The poor personal hygiene and even worse manners of some of Kiss' customers also contributed to the unpleasantness.  The sole mitigating factor would be the low price, but I'd happily pay more to avoid getting Kissed in this fashion.

 

I hope it is at least another five years before my next meal at Kiss.

 

I took some menu pages from Kiss' Facebook site to illustrate what's available.  These FB pages aren't up to date and prices are five to 20 baht higher at Kiss, depending on the dish.

 

 

Kiss is one of the oldest restaurants in Pattaya, having opened in the 1980s.  It's also probably the best known restaurant among foreign tourists and residents. I doubt there are many farang visitors to the city who haven't been there.   Maybe they have never gone back because much better food is available nearby at similar prices, but just about everyone has tried Kiss at least once.

 

 

And however many people don't go to Kiss any longer, hundreds still do, whether for the first or 50th time. It remains a busy place. Often when I have passed by, all seats under the roof were taken as well as at the long outdoor table. A convenient location, cheap prices and 24/7 hours of operation are probably the main reasons for Kiss' fame.  It couldn't possibly be the food as it's average at best, horrible at worst.  However, many, many would disagree with me.  On Tripadvisor, Kiss ranks 55th out of 853 reviewed restaurants in Pattaya.  Of the 566 individual reviews, 20% rank Kiss as "Excellent" and 46% rate it "Very Good." That's TWO THIRDS of the reviewers who consider Kiss "Very Good" or better.  

 

 

When Kiss opened in the 1980s,  it had been a decent place for a quick and cheap meal.  Over the years, the quality of its food has declined as it struggles to keep its prices low.  The Cheap Charlie segment of the market is very fickle.  It will go anywhere the prices at the moment are lowest and the portions largest . The quality and taste of the food is not important. It's all about paying as little as possible and getting a lot: a big bowl of noodle soup or plate of spaghetti is culinary ecstasy for the CCs, with a big bucket of fried chicken the equivalent of the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  

 

There's one hungry little fellow who writes reports for the punter boards and FB groups that try to convey a semblance of restaurant reviews.  Unfortunately, he could put everything he knows about food in a thimble and still have room for his own sausage.  What he can do is wax lyrical about the amount of food on his plate.  His readers are probably the type of customer who would rate the quality of the food at Kiss as "excellent." 

 

But given the CC preference for heaping plates, it's worth noting that portions aren't large at Kiss.  The restaurant has become ensnared in a Catch-22 situation: to earn a profit and stay in business, Kiss must either raise prices or reduce costs by serving smaller portions.  Here's the paradox:  doing either will cost Kiss customers, while doing neither puts the entire business at risk. There's no easy way out of that one.

 

I'm not going to spend too much time on the meals we had. As I stated, the food was average but cheap.  What more needs to be said?  I did find out why my friend's companion had wanted so much to eat at Kiss.

 

 

 

She really likes cured salmon and she knew Kiss had it on the menu. This was the "salmon salad" she ordered.

 

 

For her main dish she had a bowl of tom yum goong.

 

My friend had the "garden salad" as his starter ...

 

 

... followed by what was called Norwegian salmon on the menu

 

...with Hollandaise sauce  

 

I ordered the beef with kale in oyster sauce for 50 baht...

 

 

... as well as the staple egg dish kai jeow , usually called a Thai-style omelet for want of a better term in English. It cost 80 baht.
 

 

I don't recall how much my friends' meals were, but I believe both the salmon dishes cost around 190 baht each, while the soup and garden salad were about 100 baht each. My food totaled 130 baht and with a SML, bottle of water and tip, it cost me 250 baht

 

 

Bottom line:  Don't bother with Kiss; it's not worth your time or your money. Walk a couple of minutes from Kiss in any direction- north, south, east or west- and you'll come across better places to eat.  Don't accept mediocre meals when much better food can be just as easily had for about the same money.

 

Evil

 

 

There's one incident from Kiss that doesn't have anything to do with the above review, but I want to share it anyway.  Back in 2010 and 2011,  the homeless German guy in the picture used to hang out  in the LK Metro area.

 

 

I had a conversation with the poor guy in mid-September, 2011. I saw him sitting near the corner of Soi Diana and Second Road, close to Kiss. He looked terrible - filthy, in rags and clearly malnourished, perhaps even starving. You can see it in the pictures. No body fat and very little muscle on his arms or legs, His body was eating itself. The foot without the sandal was inflamed and swollen. I'm sure if it went untreated it would have become gangrenous.  I had tried approaching him before, but he had been incoherent those days.

He looked in such awful shape I felt I had to try to do something.  Not knowing what to say, I just asked him in English, "You OK, man?"  He nodded yes with a very unconcerned facial expression, then asked me if I knew of a hotel with a dinner buffet. That took me aback, but I answered without letting my jaw drop. I said I didn't, but I'd be happy to get him some take-away food at Kiss. He declined and said the food at Kiss was "too bad."  He wanted a buffet!   He wasn't begging, but he sure was choosing.

I offered him 100 baht to get food later, but he answered he didn't need it. He said he liked my shirt - I tend to wear loud print shirts - and I offered to get him one just like it. Again, he refused. I offered food or money one more time, but he repeated he didn't need it.

On one level, this is quite humorous: a raggedy homeless man refusing food at Kiss because of its poor quality.  But on another level, it's tragic and not at all funny. For a man in his condition to refuse food is a clear indication he had become so delusional he was a threat to himself.  He needed to be institutionalized at least in the short run, but that wouldn't happen in Pattaya.  A few weeks later, after many, many complaints, the police did pick him up and I heard he was deported back to Germany where he would receive appropriate care. I still wonder how things turned out for him and if he's still choosy about his food.

[chippysam]

  

   Its a love or hate it place , personally I don't use it daytimes . But at 4am after a lot of alcohol it is a beacon of light . When I probably don't taste the food much anyway , but would never use the place sober.

[taylor1975]

I think reviewing kiss food as if its a normal restaurant is missing the point on what it offers.

Its like reviewing a kebab shop at 3am when you're pissed .....who cares what it tastes like. The fact you got a kebab in your hand is what counts. 10/10 job done. See you next week.

A roof, chairs, toilets with soap, fans, english menu, quick, 4am ....fantastic 

I go to the one in naklua though. Too many unsavoury types around LK Metro.

 

[vimto66]

To be honest kiss is fine for a late night meal when you`ve had a few and want something to eat,most people arn`t fussy at that time and will wolf down anything if they`re famished!

I pay an handful of visits each trip,normally in the early hours,either on my own drunk or with a BF.For me it does the job and does it well,but i wouldnt go and make it my main meal of the day or taking a girl out for a meal!

It caters for a certain crowd,and afterall it has been there some time now,its nowhere near the best but theres much worse!

[brooksie]

Have not eaten in Kiss for at least 15 years,( they had a bigger venue where megabreak is) for awhile. Back then it was just convenient to soi buakhao where i was living ,either going out or coming back.Would i bother now? no .As EP says many more places too choose from now. Having said that  i would rather go kiss than  Mcd`s or KFC or the buffets at the Lek or Apex ,but that`s just me. 

[Geordie59]

Basic food that has become even more basic over the years in order to keep the prices down. I think they should have increased them a bit and maintained a decent basic quality.
That said the fried fish with chilli sauce was as good as most bigger seafood restaurants the last time I had it.

[overseas516]

Thanks for the review Evil and agree with your findings on the quality of food.

The other biggest problem with Kiss is the amount of HAWKERS that approach you while eating.

Have not eaten at Kiss by the way since my first trip in 1998 and have absolutely no intentions of ever visiting again wether pissed or sober.

[Petesie]

Eaten there on many occasions over the years but never again; don't order shrimp as it will be stir fried from frozen and you will live in your toilet all the next day. The general overall standard has gone down as well as the service. 

I remember the German guy who used to hang around Soi Diana, saw him on a few occasions and wondered what the score was.

[Skalliwag]

Luckily,I'm never out late enough to need Kiss food.

People that say their food is good,are either heavy smokers,or have palates in their arse.

Thanks for the review though,and sorry you had to take one for the team.

Youre a champ.

 

[jpmelville]

I pass Kiss in Jomtien everyday when driving to/from work. Many punters there even if they have Rompho food market 10 meters away. They must find that bland KIss food much better than the delicious offerings of the food carts. I never to stop to be amazed of their poor judgement.

[SLEUTH]

So Evil,

Kiss is now the jetski of restaurants in Pattaya?

[QuotaMan]

Thank you Evil, it's about time this Pattaya institution, one of Pattaya's best, finally gets its own thread the way it deserves.

I ate there last time due to a girl's suggestion, and my meal was fine. And I wasn't even bothered by any vendors or beggars late at night.

[muldoon]

I think you need counselling after that ordeal EP.

Go directly to Soi 6 and lick a bar-girl to get the taste out of your  mouth.

 

[GorGuy RIP]

I used to sometimes pop in a few years ago, if I met a lady friend from the Walking Street area and was taking her back to my room late at night and she said she was hungry.

It saved her raiding my food in the room and it was on the way.

I would order a water and she could order food.

 

I would not order any food for myself for many years from there - just my personal choice.

 

 

 

 

[Rocketboy]

I ate there a few times back in 2011 when I first started going to Pattaya only cause I didn't know any better...haven't eaten there since!

[Evil Penevil]

12 hours ago, taylor1975 said:

I think reviewing kiss food as if its a normal restaurant is missing the point on what it offers.

 

12 hours ago, vimto66 said:

To be honest kiss is fine for a late night meal when you`ve had a few and want something to eat,most people arn`t fussy at that time and will wolf down anything if they`re famished!

I pay an handful of visits each trip,normally in the early hours,either on my own drunk or with a BF.For me it does the job and does it well,but i wouldnt go and make it my main meal of the day or taking a girl out for a meal!

It caters for a certain crowd,and afterall it has been there some time now,its nowhere near the best but theres much worse!

I understand where you are coming from and agree to some extent.  A restaurant that's no good for a normal lunch or dinner can be great for a drunken meal or snack at 4.00 a.m. I was trying to emphasize the point Kiss isn't a good option for normal dining.

 

10 hours ago, overseas516 said:

Thanks for the review Evil and agree with your findings on the quality of food.

The other biggest problem with Kiss is the amount of HAWKERS that approach you while eating.

Have not eaten at Kiss by the way since my first trip in 1998 and have absolutely no intentions of ever visiting again wether pissed or sober.

       for mentioning the hawkers.  I should have included that in my OP as they are a distraction at Kiss,  more numerous and troublesome than most of the peddlers.

11 hours ago, brooksie said:

Have not eaten in Kiss for at least 15 years,( they had a bigger venue where megabreak is) for awhile. Back then it was just convenient to soi buakhao where i was living ,either going out or coming back.Would i bother now? no .As EP says many more places too choose from now. Having said that  i would rather go kiss than  Mcd`s or KFC or the buffets at the Lek or Apex ,but that`s just me. 

I would definitely chose Kiss over Lek or Apex, but not sure about McD's or KFC.  At least you can sit indoors at McD's and KFC.

9 hours ago, Petesie said:

The general overall standard has gone down as well as the service. 

I remember the German guy who used to hang around Soi Diana, saw him on a few occasions and wondered what the score was.

Does anyone know what happened with him?

7 hours ago, jpmelville said:

I pass Kiss in Jomtien everyday when driving to/from work. Many punters there even if they have Rompho food market 10 meters away. They must find that bland KIss food much better than the delicious offerings of the food carts. I never to stop to be amazed of their poor judgement.

In spite of all the downside, Kiss on 2nd Road is one of the busier farang-oriented restaurants in Pattaya.  I would guess it's a combination of location, cheap prices and familiarity that gains Kiss most of its customers.  What's harder to understand is why so many would think the food is good and keep coming back. The portions aren't particularly large, so it can't be the "big bowl of noodle soup" factor.
 
One answer could be that Kiss' repeat customers aren't accustomed to eating good food.  They simply don't  know any better and are happy with what comes down in front of them at Kiss.  From what I've observed and learned from reading the various FB food groups and punter-board food threads, that's common in Pattaya. People who've eaten poor quality food all their lives have trouble accepting better food.

Evil
 

[GorGuy RIP]

28 minutes ago, Evil Penevil said:

       for mentioning the hawkers.  I should have included that in my OP as they are a distraction at Kiss,  more numerous and troublesome than most of the peddlers.

 

Most Hawkers no longer bother me, as I have been around for many years, on and off. I explain to them I will never buy from them. I know the cheapest prices for what they sell, so if they try to sell to my friends on the same table they know it will have to be at the lowest price.

I am polite at first, then if they persist, I tell them a little bit firmer, then if they keep going I ramp it up, still polite but firm.

Most long time Hawkers do however give me a nod or say hello GorGuy.

If one of my friends wants a particular product, I will call them over and they appreciate that.

 

[petermik]

You are a braver man than me Evil...well done sir,in the ten years (and now 4 living) I have managed to avoid it.....long may it continue

[baddog666]

I tend to agree with Evil's post , also , you can no longer use the " open 24 hours" excuse since there are several places down LK that are open as I recall.

[ChiFlyer]

Thanks Evil. You have made my day. I have never eaten at Kiss and hope not too.

[Mr Wombat]

Kiss serves its purpose. Cheap, fast and plain.

I usually end up there at least once a trip when I am sick of thai food and just want something plain and cheap.

The hawkers drive you nuts, but last time, about 3 weeks ago, they werent coming into the restaurant. Not sure if it was just a once off

[taylor1975]

My lunch, 6 days a week, is protein powder, milk & granola, served in a cup (i have it twice a day)

kiss food is like fine dining to me lol

 

 

[Dunghie]

Evil, appreciate all your contributions but to compare Kiss to fast food plastic is rather over the top -- with or without AC.

The location and late hours serve a purpose, much like a kebab and a few sticks of chicken.

 

[jiz]

Obviously the owners have zero respect for their clients allowing a steady stream disrespectful vendors to traipse thru the place pestering guests between every bite. No I don't need a watch, leather belt, ointments or fucking handicraft carved frog when I'm dining.

The owner and those vendors can go fuck themselves  

 

 

[baddog666]

There is an old adage ,  " some people live to eat , and some people eat to live "

I live to eat, or you can say I love to eat. Does not mean I am a glutton , but I enjoy food . Obviously there are many here who consume food as a means to survive.

I don't need to spend 1000B on every meal , but I don't mind spending money for good food. I am also adventurous when it comes to eating, I like trying different things. Rather than refuse something....I will try it at least once , then I know if I don't want it again. 

IMO.... Kiss represents a lot of what is wrong in Pattaya.  It is bastardized Thai style food and poor imitation Farang food  using cheap ingredients.  Much better options  even at  04:00.