The Manchester United thread

[lasam56]

Should be fun on Sunday.  MU playing for their UCL dream.  Leicester can close out BPL.  

 

Go Foxes!

[Lloydies]

Should be fun on Sunday.  MU playing for their UCL dream.  Leicester can close out BPL.  

 

Go Foxes!

Go Foxes indeed

[insider]

Q: What do Manchester United Fans and sperm have in common?

A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

A van driver used to amuse himself by running over every Manchester United fan he would see strutting down the side of the road, dressed in their ubiquitous red colors.

He would swerve to hit them and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road.

One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the Priest, "Where are you going, Father?"

"I'm going to say mass at St. Joseph's church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest.

"No problem Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in!"

The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van continued down the road. Suddenly the driver saw a Manchester United fan walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But, just in time, he remembered the bloody priest, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the man.

However even though he was certain he missed the glory-hunting shit, he still heard a loud "THUD." Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything he turned to the priest and said

"I'm sorry Father, I almost hit that Manchester United fan,"

"That's okay," replied the priest. "I got the f***er with the door!"

I heard that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? They had pictures of Manchester United Players on them...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

What's the difference between a hedgehog and the Man U team bus?
The Man U bus has more pricks!

Edited April 26, 2016 by insider

[insider]

And finally, What's the similarity between Manchester United and a 3-pin plug?

 

They're both useless in Europe.

[felix the cat]

Yeah real funny you wanker!

[Lloydies]

Yeah real funny you wanker!

I found it funny and there is no need to be abusive you prick

And finally, What's the similarity between Manchester United and a 3-pin plug?

 

Keep them going insider lad

They're both useless in Europe.

[felix the cat]

I found it funny and there is no need to be abusive you prick

 

Well i didn't find it funny you nob! If you had any brains this is a Man U thread...not a take the piss thread!

 

Wake up!

[Lloydies]

Well i didn't find it funny you nob! If you had any brains this is a Man U thread...not a take the piss thread!

 

Wake up!

Pick up your dummy you just spat out.

 

I think you will find insider is just doing what one of you lot done on the Liverpool thread yesterday.

 

Don't like it then ignore it and grow the fuck up

[jocky king]

Relax boys , lets not make this thread and Liverpool thread closed forever if goes from bad to worse .

 

Another note , Manchester United will try to win on Sunday to Leicester , If Leicester wins , Gary Lineker will be on the MOTD with his underpant. 5555 ... Hope the families of 96 hillsborough will get justice today .

[Lloydies]

Relax boys , lets not make this thread and Liverpool thread closed forever if goes from bad to worse .

 

I find it amusing Jocky King, I can take as much banter as I can give out but it seems that a lot of people can't and in that case maybe shouldn't dish it out in the first place   

 

I actually used the word "prick" in a joking way but only after felix got abusive for no reason, maybe he should try and get out of the other side of bed.

 

My banter is all in fun, I never get nasty or personal, with or without smiley lil thingeys   

 

 Hope the families of 96 hillsborough will get justice today .

 

Thank you for that

[jocky king]

 

Relax boys , lets not make this thread and Liverpool thread closed forever if goes from bad to worse .

 

I find it amusing Jocky King, I can take as much banter as I can give out but it seems that a lot of people can't and in that case maybe shouldn't dish it out in the first place

 

I actually used the word "prick" in a joking way but only after felix got abusive for no reason, maybe he should try and get out of the other side of bed.

 

My banter is all in fun, I never get nasty or personal, with or without smiley lil thingeys

 

Hope the families of 96 hillsborough will get justice today .

 

Thank you for that

 

5555 ... Thanks mate . Please god they get justice today , scandalous for taking it so long . in Dublin , stardust nightclub disaster didn't get any justice yet , (1981) , 48 killed , they are still waiting for justice , the exit fire door was locked , they couldn't get out when the fire went ablaze. Edited April 26, 2016 by jocky king

[insider]

Pick up your dummy you just spat out.

 

I think you will find insider is just doing what one of you lot done on the Liverpool thread yesterday.

 

Don't like it then ignore it and grow the fuck up

Very true, in fact it was the very chap who started this thread who posted his "banter" in the Liverpool thread, hence my putting a few humorous re joiners here, sheesh some folk remind me of another few jokes I heard;

 

What's the difference between a Man-U fan and a Vibrator?

A Man U fan is a real dick

 

What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?

Gifted.

 

What is the difference between an Man U supporter and a baby?

The baby will stop whining after awhile.

 

What does an Manchester United supporter and a bottle of beer have in common?

They're both empty from the neck up.

 

Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

Ask a Manchester United supporter

 

What is the shortest book in the world called?

"A Summary of Intelligent Man U supporters"

 

A Primary school teacher explains to her class that she is a Manchester United supporter. She then asks the kids to raise their hands if they are also Man U supporters. Not really knowing what a Man U supporter is, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, hands explode into the air.

There is, however, one exception. A girl named Mary has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Man U supporter." "Oh,"says the teacher, "what are you?" "Why I'm proud to be a Liverpool supporter.", boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mary why she is a Liverpool supporter. "Well, My Dad and Mom are Liverpool supporters, so I'm a Liverpool fan, too!"

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron, What would you be then?" A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Mary, "I'd be a Manchester United supporter."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited April 26, 2016 by insider

[felix the cat]

Pick up your dummy you just spat out.

 

I think you will find insider is just doing what one of you lot done on the Liverpool thread yesterday.

 

Don't like it then ignore it and grow the fuck up

 

Who gives a shit if ''insider'' was posting stupid jokes in the Liverpool thread!...why would i ever visit that thread?  

 

Your telling me to grow up? Take a look in the mirror you clown!

 

Are you even a Man U supporter? or are you just like ''insider''...wasting our fucking time reading absolute crap? 

[Lloydies]

Who gives a shit if ''insider'' was posting stupid jokes in the Liverpool thread!...why would i ever visit that thread?

 

Your telling me to grow up? Take a look in the mirror you clown!

 

Are you even a Man U supporter? or are you just like ''insider''...wasting our fucking time reading absolute crap?

If you read my post correctly you will find I didn't say insider done that in the Liverpool thread.

 

I support Liverpool fyi.

 

Quite a few mancs "waste" their time looking at our thread.

 

As I said before you can ignore posts, topics and BMs if you don't want your time wasted, might be good for you cos BMs can post here regardless of their team

Btw I don't need to look in the mirror cos I already know I'm a hansum man

[insider]

Who gives a shit if ''insider'' was posting stupid jokes in the Liverpool thread!...why would i ever visit that thread?  

 

Your telling me to grow up? Take a look in the mirror you clown!

 

Are you even a Man U supporter? or are you just like ''insider''...wasting our fucking time reading absolute crap? 

As has been pointed out to you (repeatedly) the originator of THIS thread, one Baxidar ba came on over to the Liverpool thread, unsolicited by the way and threw up some "banter" in the form of a handful of "Liverpool jokes".

As I think turnaround is fair play i emulated the chap and posted a few jokes of a similar nature here, no malice just minor mischief intended, anyway Mr Grumpy I'll leave you with one more:

 

A Scouser, a Manc and a Rasta are all in the maternity ward waiting for their partners to give birth. The midwife comes out and tells them congratulations, they're all fathers of beautiful healthy boys, however unfortunately they've run out of the name tags, and the babies have been mixed up, so she asks if they could each go in and identify their sons from any family resemblance etc. The Manc wants to go first, so in he goes and comes out with a black baby.

The Rasta looks a bit confused, "excuse me", he said, "but don't you think he's likely to be mine ?" "Probably", said the Manc, "but one of them in there's a scouser, and I'm takin' no chances !!!!!"

[Lloydies]

As has been pointed out to you (repeatedly) the originator of THIS thread, one Baxidar ba came on over to the Liverpool thread, unsolicited by the way and threw up some "banter" in the form of a handful of "Liverpool jokes".

As I think turnaround is fair play i emulated the chap and posted a few jokes of a similar nature here, no malice just minor mischief intended, anyway Mr Grumpy I'll leave you with one more:

 

A Scouser, a Manc and a Rasta are all in the maternity ward waiting for their partners to give birth. The midwife comes out and tells them congratulations, they're all fathers of beautiful healthy boys, however unfortunately they've run out of the name tags, and the babies have been mixed up, so she asks if they could each go in and identify their sons from any family resemblance etc. The Manc wants to go first, so in he goes and comes out with a black baby.

The Rasta looks a bit confused, "excuse me", he said, "but don't you think he's likely to be mine ?" "Probably", said the Manc, "but one of them in there's a scouser, and I'm takin' no chances !!!!!"

Mr Grumpy wears manc tinted glasses too mutt and conveniently ignores the facts we explain to him

[felix the cat]

As has been pointed out to you (repeatedly) the originator of THIS thread, one Baxidar ba came on over to the Liverpool thread, unsolicited by the way and threw up some "banter" in the form of a handful of "Liverpool jokes".

As I think turnaround is fair play i emulated the chap and posted a few jokes of a similar nature here, no malice just minor mischief intended, anyway Mr Grumpy I'll leave you with one more:

 

A Scouser, a Manc and a Rasta are all in the maternity ward waiting for their partners to give birth. The midwife comes out and tells them congratulations, they're all fathers of beautiful healthy boys, however unfortunately they've run out of the name tags, and the babies have been mixed up, so she asks if they could each go in and identify their sons from any family resemblance etc. The Manc wants to go first, so in he goes and comes out with a black baby.

The Rasta looks a bit confused, "excuse me", he said, "but don't you think he's likely to be mine ?" "Probably", said the Manc, "but one of them in there's a scouser, and I'm takin' no chances !!!!!"

 

Jesus christ! What your doing is like walking into a pub full of Man U supporters on game day, wearing a Liverpool shirt! I'm sure if you started telling these jokes in the pub, you probably wouldn't see the light of day! 

 

Why on earth you would think that would be hilarious, I HAVE NO IDEA!  

[Lloydies]

555555

[insider]

Jesus christ! What your doing is like walking into a pub full of Man U supporters on game day, wearing a Liverpool shirt! I'm sure if you started telling these jokes in the pub, you probably wouldn't see the light of day! 

No it's not, I've been to away games drinking in pubs with away fans from many clubs, everyone partaking in banter, admittedly some ended up in violent scuffles (ah who misses the 1980's) but for the most part everyone had a laugh, including the Mancunians, of course you always get one or two angry men  and hooligans just spoiling for a fight but we are on a forum telling jokes so your comparison is not very accurate.

Why on earth you would think that would be hilarious, I HAVE NO IDEA!  

Are you assuming I was trying to amuse YOU with the jokes?

[Lloydies]

 

Jesus christ! What your doing is like walking into a pub full of Man U supporters on game day, wearing a Liverpool shirt! I'm sure if you started telling these jokes in the pub, you probably wouldn't see the light of day!

No it's not, I've been to away games drinking in pubs with away fans from many clubs, everyone partaking in banter, admittedly some ended up in violent scuffles (ah who misses the 1980's) but for the most part everyone had a laugh, including the Mancunians, of course you always get one or two angry men and hooligans just spoiling for a fight but we are on a forum telling jokes so your comparison is not very accurate.

Why on earth you would think that would be hilarious, I HAVE NO IDEA!

Are you assuming I was trying to amuse YOU with the jokes?

You might need crayons & pictures to help him understand

[insider]

You might need crayons & pictures to help him understand

This might help:

https://www.facebook.com/Liverpool-fc-vs-Manchester-united-official-banter-page-177013892355187/

[Lloydies]

This might help:

https://www.facebook.com/Liverpool-fc-vs-Manchester-united-official-banter-page-177013892355187/

I'm on that but doubt whether Mr Grumpy is

[Baxidar ba]

Interesting story in the sun today about the former Utd players at Leicester now, all coming back to possibly win the title at OT on Sunday. I think De Gea aside I can't think of a single Utd player (on this seasons form) that would get into the Leicester side! Great pictures also of a very young Kasper Schmicheal in a Utd kit with his dad.

[jocky king]

Interesting story in the sun today about the former Utd players at Leicester now, all coming back to possibly win the title at OT on Sunday. I think De Gea aside I can't think of a single Utd player (on this seasons form) that would get into the Leicester side! Great pictures also of a very young Kasper Schmicheal in a Utd kit with his dad.

What about Rashford ??? He is a sensation , De Gea , Martial and Rashford put United in the final .

[Baxidar ba]

I hear you JK, Rashford has been great but has only played a handful of games. Leicester to a man have been brilliant this season, what we wouldn't give for Kante & Drinkwater in our midfield or a 20+ goals a season striker like Vardy, or a little magician capable of winning a game with a moment of genius like Mahrez.