Those of us who live "up-country" belong to an unofficial fraternity.

We have foresaken the falang comforts of Bangkok and Pattaya. You might be able to impress your friends back home with tales of your "exotic" life in downtown Krungthep, or paint a bohemian picture of life in your "bungalo" just off Jomtien Beach, but us "up-country" pioneers know you are living stumbling distance from a McDonalds and a Starbucks.

I give credit to any Westerner who has had the balls to venture out of their comfort zones and visit a big up-country city. You've spent a weekend in Korat? Good for you! That's the first step. Still, a weekend in a big modern "non-touristy" Thai city is beginner's fare for the true Issan warrior.

Step 2 is visiting a small town. Your girl is from Udon Thani? Well, actually she is likely not from the big modern "amphur muang". Naw, she's probably from Nong Han or Ban Dung or Kumphawaphi - small towns within 30-40 minutes drive of Udon. If you've spent the night in one of these towns, where the highlight of an evening is a trip to the group of tents that make up the night market, you can stamp your Issan warrior ticket for the next level.

How "ba-nock" can you go? Sorry for the imperfect translation, but "ba-nock" is basically "hick", "rural". People in Bangkok think everyone who lives outside the city limits is "ba-nock". Real "ba-nock" is living in a rural village. Using the above example, Nong Han is a town, but there are many small villages around it. What are these villages like? There are few if any paved roads. They have no 7-11, only Mom-and-Pop stores. It's a small cluster of homes surrounded by rice fields. You see buffaloes walking by your house each morning. The power and water go out for hours on a regular basis, and no one seems to mind because it probably wasn't that long ago that they didn't even have electricity or public water. Guys who manage to live in a rural Thai village are the true Issan warriors. They are also slightly crazy, IMHO. I was once a member of that crazy fraternity, and I will never live there again. Village life is not for me.

When I meet fellow warriors and we start chatting about life up country, I have a yard stick I use to measure their warrior level. "Barrell and Bowl". How often have you been forced to shower with only the big water barrell and scooping bowl? If you've lived in a village or small town, chances are you are intimately aquainted with the technique of the barrell and bowl, specifically the bowl position required to rinse your soapy underarms.

"Show me the barrell-and-bowl-underarm-techinique! . . . Ahhhh, yes, very good! You know the required movement. Yes, you are truly an Issan warrior!"