Rules of Engagement for Pattaya Mongering

I been preaching to friends the rules I am about to share with you. They are a product of 21 years and 60+ visits to Pattaya (mostly a week or less). These are my rules. Opinions can differ. Comments are welcome.

#1.  Don't fall in love. I am not the first to identify this rule, but it must be repeated over and over and over. Thai girls will steal your heart. They are 10-20 years younger than you. They will be funny, and witty, and needy, and embody the epitome of any woman that you cannot land at home. She will cry when you board the taxi to leave. Enjoy the moment for that it is, but don't let it consume you. Rule #1 can be the basis of several threads, but I am cutting it of here.

#2.  Always make the offer. Never accept one.  You want to be in control, set the scene and show you are not a buffalo.  For example, if someone approaches you on the street and offers to you glasses, a watch, or even marijuana - decline it. Don't negotiate. Say no. Even if you really want it.  Move on to another person selling the same thing and YOU engage them and make the offer. This way you can avoid hustlers and not getting sucked into something bigger than being offered. On a side note, I am not a negotiator, but I was traveling with my Russian GF and she LOVED it. It turned out that whatever price was offered, they would take 1/3 of it.  So 300 baht item was really 100 baht...

#3 Know your money. Memorize what baht converts to your local currency. you can round up or down, so long as you have some reference and dont overpay when you are tired/drunk/horny/all of the above. For example, I always mentally note 100 baht as $3 USD. Right now it is less. In the past it has been more, but at least i know it in my sleep. Also, get to know what your thai monopoly money looks like. Maybe even organize it. 1k baht looks suspiciously similar to 20 baht. Maybe by design. Don't give away 1k baht un-intentially.

#4 Dick-In-Pussy Rule. This is my most controversial, I made it up myself and I am pretty sure no one else has articulated it. More of a Mantra. When in Thailand you MUST assume that your girl/woman/teerak/soulmate/love of your life had a dick in her pussy immediately before she met you and that she will have yet another dick in her pussy as soon as she leaves. Don't want another dick in her pussy? Get her to stay. Keeping this in mind will keep your even-keeled and hopefully avoid Rule #1