I came to Thailand for the bargirls. I stayed for the teaching.

Funny how the joys of prostitution led me to a job I enjoy. Well, most of the time.

The most difficult part of teaching in Thailand isn't the kids, or the strange local customs, or the low pay, or the language barrier, or even the heat. The most difficult part is dealing with your fellow Thai teachers.

My ex-Thai girlfriend could barely say, "Hello sexy man" when I first met her, but after spending most of two years with me and studying from a dictionary and a couple of other language books on her own, she became pretty good at communicating in English. I had friends with Thai wives who remarked at how much she seemed to understand.

Imagine my surprise when I started teaching, and discovered that most of the Thai English teachers, who had been teaching English for 15, 20, even 30 years, couldn't hold a conversation with me beyond, "Hello, how are you?"

It's true: The average Pattaya bargirl, with her 6th grade education and annoying pidgeon English banter, can communicate better in English than most Thai English teachers.

The reason: The teachers never listen to native English speakers speaking the language. Bargirls hear it all day, every day.

The old Thai dragons can teach reading and writing and grammar just fine, but speaking? Not so much.

Here's where "saving face" comes into play again.

The Thai English teacher has been teaching her brand of spoken "Tinglish" to her students for X-years, and getting along just fine, thank you very much, when along comes these pesky native English speakers . . .

One day in class I commented on a shirt a girl was wearing - Eeyore from the "Winnie-The-Pooh" books and cartoons. I pronounced his name the way I've heard it since I saw the movies as a kid - EE-or - emphasis on the first syllable. The kids all corrected me in unison - "e-YAH!", sounding like some over-excited Asian stagecoach driver whipping their horses to flee from rampaging comanches.

That's the way Ajarn Sillyporn told them to pronounce it.

"No" I assure them,"He's a donkey from a famous British children's book, made famous by an American feature-length cartoon, and his name is most certainly pronounced 'EE-or'."

They looked at me like I was nuts.

When I tried to ask Ajarn Sillyporn about it, she got all uncomfortable and did what all Thais do when some stupid foreigner insists on pointing out their mistake: She smiled and laughed and walked away.

You see, they've never watched "Winnie-The-Pooh and the Blustery Day" or any other Pooh cartoon with the original English language soundtrack. They've only heard Pooh and Eeyore and Kanga and Roo and Piglet and even Christopher Robbin in Thai. They actually think it's a Thai cartoon!

Can you imagine: Never hearing the distinctive voice of Paul Winchell as Tigger? Instead they think Tigger's name is "Ti-GUH!" and that he speaks Thai.

Oh, the humanity!