How to annoy people using instant messaging.

[Benny10]

Are you bored or frustrated?

 

Here a few tips how to bring more color into your life by annoying others using instant messaging.

 

Remember that IM is synchronous, intrusive, and often tedious: in other words, an ideal platform for making a pest of yourself. Really, I tried it very hard until even my best mates gave up on me. What irritates you most about instant messaging?

 

 

1. Write a message, but don't press the ENTER button. If your contact starts to ask you why it takes so long, restart the whole process.
    
   
2. Answer randomly. Try to talk like you're having a conversation with someone else.
    
   
3. Blame your contact for blocking you, every time he goes offline.
    
   
4. A classic: Appear offline and appear online soon after. If he/she asks you to stop, reply him with "I'm having issues with MSN". Continue this for an hour, contacts will appear offline for some kind of mysterious reason. Continue this a year, you won't have friends anymore.
    
   
5. Invite everyone in a conversation, then leave.
    
   
6. Invite contact X in a conversation with contact Y. Start a new conversation with person X in another conversation. Continue this until you have about 8 windows with contact X. Have a conversation with him/her in each window, about a same subject.
    
   
7. Use Windows Messenger along with MSN Messenger to repeat the previous tip.
    
   
8. Act exactly like your friend (nick, avatar, font). And repeat everything what he says.
    
   
9. Leave your auto-message on (chose a really big one) while having a conversation.
    
   
10. Say hello to someone, then ignore him/her.
     
    
11. Use the "/appearoffline" command if you use MSN Plus. The contact will see that you're still typing, although you're offline.
     
    
12. Make up a "curse" and send it to superstitious contacts. Repeat this step until he/she goes "offline".
     
    
13. Invite a friend in a conversation. Ignore him/her, but have a conversation with the other friend. If he/she leaves the conversation, invite him/her again.
     
    
14. Use sexual explicit emoticons if you know that your friend's family is nearby. Try to do it once, flood his/her screen before he/she blocks you. You can do this with extreme sites.
     
    
15. Act like you can't understand him/her. "WHAT, I CAN'T SEE YOUR MESSAGES!!!".
     
    
16. Lure him/her into telling Secrets. "HEY MAN IT WOULD BE A MISSED OPPURTINITY IF YOU TELL ME A SECRET NOW". If he/she is stupid enough to tell you something, reply him with "I can hear you after all".
     
    
17. Nudge/wink him/her every 5 minutes.
     
    
18. Use your alt email to gossip about yourself. Return to your own email account and say that you have your sources.
     
    
19. Talk to everyone whose status is "busy" and ignore them when they appear online.
     
    
20. Disregard any presence indicators your friends use such as busy or away. Your needs are more important than anyone else’s and you know that some people regularly set their IM status to busy or away even when they’re working on unimportant stuff. Bonus: if you catch someone at the computer when she says she’s away, berate her for it. She needs to set her presence indicators according to your needs not her own.
     
    
21. Never check whether a person has time to chat. If he’s online and reachable, he’s all yours! In particular, make sure you never ask about someone’s availability for a work-related chat at these special times of day: in the late afternoon, when he might be trying to finish his work so he can go home; early in the morning, when he might be taking advantage of quiet time to be productive; and the middle of the night, when, if he’s on the computer at all, he’s probably not thinking about work.
     
    
22. Don’t set your own presence indicators when you’re busy or away from the computer. That way people trying to get a quick answer from you will feel first hopeful and then frustrated. Long term, you can utterly confuse the people you work with by setting one IM account to “busy,” one to “away,” and one to “available,” making them into random noise. Then, when someone IMs you on the “available” account, chew him out for bothering you when you’ve got something important to do.
     
    
23. Don’t pause to give the person a chance to respond. Stream-of-your-own-consciousness is a great way to show that you matter and your conversational partner doesn’t. Ask a question, and then ask another, or answer it yourself. Type each sentence with a “…” after it so you can indicate that you have more (and more… and more…) to say.
     
    
24. But when you do pause, expect instantaneous replies. When someone is IM’ing with you, she should only be IM’ing with you, not doing anything else. You should expect her to close down all other chats, turn away completely from whatever she was doing, and give you her full attention.
     
    
25. Don’t ever use correct capitalization or punctuation. ur 2 kewl 4 dat! You feel comfortable with the brave new world of IM, why shouldn’t everyone else? Shift keys are for sissies.
     
    
26. Expect that IM conversations will always be like phone conversations, with a definite goodbye at the end. If your colleague hasn’t signed off, that means the discussion is still going, so keep on typing messages even if you’ve found out what you need to know. Don’t notice when the pauses between your entries and the responses get longer and longer and longer. The longer you keep the session going, the more likely you are to annoy.
     
    
27. Send large files without asking whether it’s okay. You know better than anyone what people need. Don’t have any qualms about using up other people’s download bandwidth and hard drive space.
     
    
28. Sprinkle emoticons liberally into your messages. One in a sentence is good, two is better, three provides maximum distraction and visual harassment. Don’t know all the ones you can use? Bookmark the one you need: AOL, Gtalk, MSN and Yahoo.
     
    
29. Try out all the abbreviations you can think of. Learn new ones every day, so you can be as compact and opaque in your communication as possible. Don’t stick with the ones everyone knows–lol (“laughing out loud”), brb (“be right back”), and np (“no problem”). Try out some new ones, especially on people you know are likely to be unfamiliar with them. How about ptmm (“please tell me more”) or wdalyic (“who died and left you in charge”) or issygti (“I’m so sure you get the idea”)?
    

[vannydan]

Thats some funny stuff.

I know afew people a might test this out on.

[gogo dog]

30. press the nudge button everytime your friend starts typing a message.

[Devil Plaything]

I set a friend up with a Skype account a few weeks ago, and she started a conversation with me yesterday. Part way through the chat a stream of Thai started appearing in the window... I pointed out that I can't read Thai, and she (eventually) answered "I talk with my sister". Apparently she gave her login details to her sister, and since Skype allows you to be logged in simultaneously on two machines, they were using the chat window with me to talk to each other. "You can talk with me too", she said, in amongst the Thai, so I tried to carry our conversation on. After a while her sister started talking directly to me too - no indication which of them was responsible for any given message of course.

 

That was quite annoying.

 

[Benny10]

I set a friend up with a Skype account a few weeks ago, and she started a conversation with me yesterday. Part way through the chat a stream of Thai started appearing in the window... I pointed out that I can't read Thai, and she (eventually) answered "I talk with my sister". Apparently she gave her login details to her sister, and since Skype allows you to be logged in simultaneously on two machines, they were using the chat window with me to talk to each other. "You can talk with me too", she said, in amongst the Thai, so I tried to carry our conversation on. After a while her sister started talking directly to me too - no indication which of them was responsible for any given message of course.

 

That was quite annoying.

 

Which gives me the great idea, that you might push their simultaneous actions a bit further than Skype. :Who_Cares: