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DIARY - Days in the life of a Pattaya hotel owner

kevin meacher

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Well hello to you all hear on yet another new Pattaya forum and best of luck with it. Many of you registered here may well have seen my Diary on some of the other forums and your powers that be felt it necessary to inflict me upon you as well. therefore if you are sick to death of my ramblings then don't blame me!!!!!


I decided to hold off posting the Diary until I had a new issue prepared and this has now been completed so here I am. I will start from the beginninbg, which does seem the appropriate thing to do and if you have been reading these entries elsewhere skip through to Issue 9 which is the latest offering.


Any names used in the diary will be fictitious to protect the innocent or the guilty whichever they may be. I hope that over the next few months this will be a record of events that shows you just what it is like from the other side of this particular fence.


Let's start on 24th October, 07:15 a.m. with me in bed at our house in Nong Yai (East Pattaya across the other side of Suhkumvit from Bangkok Pattaya hospital). My mobile phone is ringing and as much as I try to convince myself it is simply in my dream the reality, like a new day, eventually dawns. I answer the phone to have some Thai woman shouting at me that one of our customers does drugs, has not paid for them, has left bar bills unpaid from last night and that there are Thai mafia heading to the hotel to kill him!! Excellent, top stuff to be hearing whilst one is still 90% asleep. As I have been woken it is simply unfair that Mrs. Boss should still be permitted the luxury of residing in the land of nod so I wake her and relate the tale whilst giving her the phone to call this lady back.


Mrs. Boss speaks with our lady caller and decides we need to head immediately to the hotel to see exactly what is going on. We arrive to the usual 08:00 Serenity and bemused looking staff. Anyway we are here now and there is no point going back to bed so after 6 hours sleep we are at work for another full day. Later in the day we talk to the guest concerned who is mystified by these accusations and can only suggest that this is a far fetched tale invented by a jealous ex-girlfriend!!


With the exception of an air conditioning unit breaking down in one of our rooms the rest of the day is largely uneventful. Guests check in and check out, one or two extend their stay, the Caf� continues its general trend of increasing business day by day. It is now 21:55, almost time to close up the Caf� and go home � by now my ageing body is yearning for the comfort of my bed so imagine my delight as 4 customers come in and ask if the restaurant is still open! Well lads business is business so a quick smile appears as I say “certainly”. They order a lot of food, all Thai dishes, and by the time they have departed and everything cleared away I am in the car going home at midnight! Mrs. Boss and I have just completed another 16 hour day.


25th October and the alarm goes off at 07:00 as it is the cooks day off so Mrs. Boss and I have to be in before 08:00 to attend to the cooking. I do the farang food and she any Thai dishes � of course today is the busiest day since the last day off the cook had, funny how it always happens this way! Of course today every order, even from Thai ladies, is for farang food so I am tied to the kitchen for 6 hours before there is any respite. Not complaining though as I do enjoy cooking although it is in the best interests of every one to stay out of my way whilst I am 'in the zone'!!


The air conditioning repair contractors have still not arrived by mid afternoon. Mrs. Boss has now called the normal contractor we use for a third time as well as two other companies we know. The usual bucket load of promises follows but I am not holding my breath. I now have to assume they will not be here today and try to find an alternative room for the guest tonight if, as I expect, the AC is not fixed today.


We waken one guest from his slumbers “Mr. Smith it is 13:00, your taxi is here”. A mad panic ensues as he tries to get out of the hotel before the illegally parked mini van pulls away with its cargo of fuming departing holidaymakers. He settles his account, offers rather more for the late check out than we want so we agree to give the balance to the staff as his tip and off he goes. 10 minutes later he is back, he booked the taxi for the wrong day, his flight is not until tomorrow. The look on the faces of his fellow mini bus passengers has cheered me up no end!!


I have spent 20 minutes explaining to one of my staff that a booking from 20th November to 27th November is for 7 nights. She will not have it � no boss it is 8 nights. I have been through this with her using the calendar and counting the nights off very, very slowly. I feel my life ebbing away, I want to shout at her but I know I cannot do that, she will cry and then she will go home never to return!! I bite my tongue, I go through it for the 20th time and eventually she says “OK boss if you say so����..but I still think it is 8”. What makes this a tad more infuriating is that we have a computer system that works all of this out so she is not just arguing with me she is claiming the bloody computer has got it wrong as well!!


Mrs. Boss is off to see her mother for a few days in Udonthani tonight so I am now shattered and looking forward to 5 days of non stop work. In order to prepare for this I am going out with my pal John for a few drinks tonight so I can concentrate tomorrow whilst nursing a hangover!!!!




Issue 2


Yes dealing with the public can be frustrating but it can also be a very joyous thing. Everyone is different and what may please some will likely displease others. Take this week for instance when on Thursday I have a customer wanting to leave because the bed is not comfortable enough � he could not sleep. The room is almost immediately re-sold and the following day the new customer spends 10 minutes telling me how comfortable the bed is and it is the best night's sleep he has had in years! Of course, neither customer is right and neither wrong � they are merely expressing a personal preference but as a service provider you do sometimes feel as though you just cannot win.


With Mrs. Boss away in Udon this week I have had a busier than usual time of it. This is compounded by my having two nights out with friends and nursing the inevitable hangovers that follow. I still have to get up at 08:00 despite wishing I could just go into a corner and die. I have to be polite, chatty, smile, listen to customers all of those things that may normally come naturally but on hangover days are quite simply one chore too many!! I have taken myself off a couple of times and gone and done some painting and grouting of bathroom tiles to satisfy myself I am working whilst staying out of the public eye.


I started typing this diary entry and then half way through went for a quick coffee break returning to find the computer doing a wonderful impersonation of a Dodo. Down on hands and knees pulling out plugs, putting them back in again all to no avail. My computer guy comes in and takes everything to pieces before telling me my mother is bored! So, who cares, what has that got to do with my bloody computer problem? "Your Mother Bored, Your Mother Bored" he exclaims. Yes she may well be bored but it was her choice to go and live in fucking Inverness so that is the price she has to pay, now what about the computer!! Of course he was telling me the mother board had gone and needed replacing � great another B2500 out the window! This is not helping my banging head at all.

The cook now tells me of various items she needs from the shops. Wonderful as I went to Friendship three hours ago and got everything on her list � now I have to go again. I start to ask why she did not put these items on the earlier list but think better of it; I just do not have the energy to go there. This is really not helping my banging head!!


I believed after a real pain of a year in staffing terms we were now sorted. Good people in all positions at last, all getting to work on time and all doing a good job without me having to chivvy them along. I am then told one of the room maids has to leave for an unknown period of time, days, weeks, months who knows. Her mum has a shop but cannot run it and the shop assistant they had has quit so the daughter has to return home to run the shop. I really don't need this, not today. I talk to the girl and try to ascertain how much money the shop makes and believe it to be around B1000 per week profit, it is only a little local store in her village. I explain that this is less than half her salary; would it not make sense to simply close the shop until a new assistant can be found and stay here working. The total look of bemusement on her face tells me I have traveled alone down this particular road!!! This is really, really not helping my hangover.


I return to grouting the bathroom tiles, now I am hung-over and angry. As I start to calm down and go into my own little world the room phone rings, Shit I say as I am jolted back to reality and then promptly bang my head, hard, on the underside of the wash hand basin!! Now my head is splitting.


Oh well it is now Saturday, football on the T.V. tonight, no going out drinking and Mrs. Boss will be back in a couple of days.






Well although only early days for November the award for Jasmine Mansions complete tosspot of the month has already been decided. Yes, this month the crown of biggest idiot working at the hotel is bestowed on me!! I was, as you will know from the last posting, taking care of redecorating the bathroom doors and re-grouting the tiles as part of this years annual redecoration programme. Nothing too stressful, something I can potter on with and be in and out of a room in a few hours. Well that was the plan!


I was happily getting on with the bathroom door in one room, finished the outside and moved to do the inside of the door. Instead of moving the small table I had for the paint pot to stand on into the bathroom I decided a much better plan would be to stand the 2.5 gallon tin of paint in the bathroom wash hand basin. Now OK it did not fit, it was balanced precariously and obviously under normal circumstances it was going to topple over. These, however, were not normal circumstances, it was ME doing this and, as such, the laws of physics were naturally going to be suspended. The laws of physics duly suspended themselves for 10 seconds before 2.5 gallons of gloss enamel paint was seen to be gurgling its way down the wash hand basin plug hole! Several hours and several litres of white spirit later the complete mess I had made of the bathroom floor, the wash hand basin and, resultantly, myself was finally cleared up � now that was an excellent time saving move wasn't it?


This incident, however, throws up a question that is now bugging me. Why is it, when the entire planet appears to have adopted the metric system that paint is still sold in gallons and fractions thereof? What is it about paint that makes it different from all other liquids? Apart, that is, from its inability to flow quite as freely through our plumbing system as most other liquids!


Mrs. Boss returned refreshed from her week's holiday in Udonthani and was back at the helm for almost 5 minutes before yelling at all of the staff. Whilst she is away I try to content myself with cajoling them into action, and using the word PLEASE until I have almost worn it out, in the knowledge that anything more vociferous will lead to them departing. She has them all down on their hands and knees with little beakers of cleaning fluid and a toothbrush scrubbing away at the grouting round the lobby area floor tiles � it looked like some heinous punishment being dished out on the women's wing of the Bangkok Hilton!! She yells at them, she threatens them with the sack and they just get on with their job and are here the next day and the next etc. Now if, as a farang, I were to be 10% as abusive they would not take it � funny old world isn't it?


Several people talk to me about coming to live here and open a business. They want my advice, which I am usually happy to impart although with the caveat that everything I say is should be regarded as complete bollocks.


My opinion is that as a place to simply live, holiday or retire to then Thailand is very difficult to beat. As a place to run a business it does, however, leave a lot to be desired. There is not the same level of bureaucracy here as in many more "advanced" countries but the level of complete ineptitude and incompetence is sometimes beyond belief. Staffing is always going to be your biggest headache closely followed by getting anyone in to do works that is (i) remotely competent and (ii) likely to turn up in order for you to gauge their competency. It has taken us two years to find a selection of contractors who pass as both competent and reliable and the same period to find a handful of good and honest employees.


Having got your staff and trained them you then quickly realise that what you taught them today has to be repeated the next day, the day after that and, well, every other bloody day. There must be some sort of short term memory problem affecting these delightful people.


What I still find most frustrating and annoying though is that when they want to finish with the job or they are unwell there is no attempt to contact you or tell you � they just do not appear. We have twice monthly staff meetings and in every one since November 2004 I have said PLEASE if you are sick just call the hotel and tell us you are not coming to work � it is not like they do not all have mobile phones is it? In addition if you are going to leave the job then give us some notice, a couple of weeks would be nice, a month fantastic but a week at the very least would be fine � never happens. Then in almost 90% of cases the person concerned gets back in touch with Mrs. Boss a few months later and wants her job back, no explanation as to why she left, no apologies, in fact, it is as though nothing had every happened � it must be that short term memory thingy again!!






First of all let me say thanks for the positive comments on my "diary" received to date; this does rather encourage me to continue therefore you now know how to shut me up!!


It is only when something happens that I am inspired to write this diary and really you could not make this stuff up. Pattaya, however, tends to provide a plethora of events that set me heading off to the keyboard and I wanted to do this one immediately whilst the entire conversation was still fresh in my mind.


Earlier today a customer calls me in to the internet office saying the computer is not working. I go into the internet office and over to the PC he is on and it is connected to the internet and has the Hotmail log in page open.


"What exactly is the problem Sir" I say


"The bloody computer is broken" he replies


"Well, er, no it does not appear to be broken Sir otherwise you would not have the page displayed and the cursor flickering away'


"No the bloody thing is broken, I cannot access my e-mails"


"OK Sir let's see if I can help. Can you enter your user name and password?"


Sir duly enters these and presses ENTER and immediately the message appears that an incorrect password has been entered comes up.


"See there it is, that proves it is broken, that has happened every time I have tried even when I come out of the internet and go back in"


"Well actually Sir that proves the computer is working but that you are entering an incorrect password hence the message 'an incorrect password has been entered' as it says on the screen"


"But I entered a password and it still did not let me in so it must be broken"


"Yes I saw you enter something into the password box but it does appear Sir that what you entered is wrong. Are you certain you have the correct password and also that your user name is correct?"


"Yes the user name is right but I do not remember the actual password as it is on a piece of paper I left at home so I enter some letters"


"Oh I see Sir, you do not know your password then?"


"No but that's not the point is it? The bloody computer is not letting me in because the shitty thing is broken"


"Yes Sir it is very much the point. This is your e-mail account and in order to access it you have to enter the correct password. This is for your own protection as it prevents others from simply entering your user name and accessing your messages"


"That's all bollocks and double talk isn't it? You are trying to say this is my fault so I still have to pay even though your computer is not working"


"Well no Sir that is not the case as I have many, many things to do rather than concern myself with trying to rob a customer of B30. However, were it the fault of the computer I would tell you and change you to another machine and not charge you for the time you have been on this machine. However, it is crystal clear that the problem is not with the computer but due solely to the fact that you do not know your own password"


"You are just a stuck up c*** trying to rip people off and I am going to tell all my mates about this place and make sure they never come here"


"Well Sir I am sorry that you feel that way. However, I will not charge you for using the computer on this occasion but I would ask that when you leave you do not ever return, is that OK?"


"F*** you, you c***"


He duly departs � I can, at least, sit back in the confident knowledge that if he is going to e-mail all his friends and tell them what a nasty person I am then I have very little to worry about!!!




ISSUE 5 � Part I


I am sure you have already worked out by virtue that Issue 5 is in more than 1 part that this has just been one of those weeks. You know, a week where by the end of it you just want to reach for a gun and shoot everyone on sight. A week where one's patience is worn wafer thin and just when you believe things cannot get worse, well, bugger me, they do!!


Well I have now got to use the F word. I do try to avoid it, I try to keep it out of my vocabulary at all times, but here, today, I have no option�so apologies in advance for those of you with a sensitive nature but I am going to say it�.Frenchmen!!!!!!!!!!!


The F word or Frenchman visited 5 days ago. He and his Thai GF were shown a room, she did all of the talking as, of course, he could not speak English, fortunately she was able to speak some French. She said they would take the room from the following day for a week and would leave a deposit. We explained to her and attempted to explain to him that the room they saw (303) had a customer arriving that afternoon, however, 203, an identical room on a lower floor, would be available for them tomorrow. The lady says this is good and they leave a B500 holding deposit.


The next day they return as planned, we give him the registration forms and then he pipes up with "you give me discount, I pay room when leave and you give me include free breakfast". I am on the edge now with not only an F word standing in front of me but one that is barking orders at me! "No, sir, that is not the way it works, I own the hotel, I make the rules, you accept them or you go to another hotel". He responds as you would all imagine "No understand, no speak English". He then remembers the English phrase he trotted out moments before and repeats that standing hunched over the counter in a very aggressive posture. "Look, mate (screw "Sir" I have had enough already) if you give me B40m I will give you the hotel, you can then make up the rules and deal with all of the crap but in the meantime we do things my way"�er�. "No understand English" was the reply.


The GF (who I hasten to add was charming) was at this time speaking with my Receptionist and apologising for her mans behaviour "He is always like this�just so angry all of the time, always shouting at people for no reason". The GF managed to speak to him sufficiently for us to strike a deal where he pays a deposit and half the room rent with the other half payable in three days time".


Peace returns and the F word goes to his room. I sit down, light a cigarette and relax for the first time that day � 15 seconds later there is the F word shouting at the top of his voice in the, fortunately at that time, empty lobby. "You give me another room, other room I see bigger, why you not give me room I see yesterday" � obviously his remarkable on/off English speaking ability is presently turned to ON!! This time there was no Thai GF around to deal with matters and I knew my vain attempts were going to go deliberately ignored, but you have to try! "Look Sir (with the SIR being heavily accented and dripping with sarcasm) we explained this yesterday to your TGF at a time when your English speaking ability was turned to OFF. The room you saw yesterday was an example of the type of room we had for you. As it happens you have an identical room one floor lower and directly beneath the room you saw yesterday". "Not understand, not speak English but room is smaller". "No it is not bloody well smaller, it is the same bloody size, it is the same bloody room it is just on a bloody different floor". At this point and before he can either get irate with me for shouting at him or he professes once more to not understand English the TGF appears.


The GF talks to my receptionist and Mrs. Boss who had ventured out of her office pretty hastily on hearing my raised voice. Mrs. Boss knows that when I start to lose it that the end of the world is possibly only moments away. The GF nods, she smiles and she accepts completely that the F word is in the wrong. She talks to the F word and he calms down whilst I simply stand there glaring and foaming at the mouth like some rabid dog. The TGF explains that everything is now OK � he was thinking about a different room they saw yesterday in a different hotel �"oh well that's OK then isn't it, that makes his behaviour completely understandable" I mutter under my breath as I walk away.


The F word has now been here 5 days and we exchange occasional nods and smiles and he is as quiet as a Church mouse, I even said "Bonjour" to him today and he lit up like a Christmas tree!! However, if that tale were the only brown stuff to have gone fanwards this week I would be a happy man but�.see Issue 5 � part 2 tomorrow!!!




ISSUE 5, Part II.


You know that things have reached a pretty pass when you sit watching Fawlty Towers and nodding in agreement with Basil; feeling sorry for him and understanding exactly why he is so wound up all of the time. No longer are you embarrassed by his antics but you are actually willing him to go one step further, don't just throttle Manuel or the annoying guests KILL THEM, KILL THEM ALL!!! I even understand how Basil felt when he went to make himself some toast and a cup of tea and then go to sit away from everyone in his office and listen to his music � he was acting if he were a naughty schoolboy up to mischief when all he was doing was trying to have himself 5 minutes peace and quiet! Yes Basil I understand, I truly do!!


I know I am not alone here in Pattaya with my trials and tribulations and feel certain that most service sector business owners have similar stories to relate. Whenever I get together with another local business owner we can spend hours telling each other tales of what has happened simply over the last week or two � unfortunately I do not get to say very much as they have already read about mine through this diary!!


Now whilst what follows is about headaches given me by members of staff I want to make it perfectly clear that (a) I have now and in the past had some fantastic Thai staff who work very hard and are totally dedicated and (B) in the UK over the years I paid many people a considerable amount of money who were equally as inefficient and bloody useless as some I have employed here � just far more expensive. I try to keep things in perspective and aside from all of the aggravation, laws and bureaucracy relating to UK employment law the wage roll there was about 50% of my total turnover whilst here in Thailand it is closer to 15%.


Anyway, I will continue with my latest travails. My brother-in-law, Pi, works for us covering the late evening and early morning shift from around 20:00 to 02:00 and then doing some odd jobs during the day. He is a top guy and although his English is limited he helps the other staff as and when they require and he is also a useful pair of eyes to ensure everyone remains honest when Mrs. Boss and I are not here. This week he has returned home for around 7 days to help his brother with the rice harvest so yours truly is covering his evening shift.


The next day the cook says she will have to be away for a week as her mum is sick and she is needed to look after her. I think about enquiring after cooks medical qualifications but realise that this is just me being sarcastic and I do understand the family ties that exist here. I simply have to accept this is part of life and that I will have to cover her shift from 08:00 to 17:00. Not good as I am now working from 08:00 to 02:00 with a couple of hours notional break in the early evening.


The early evening break quickly disappears as one of the Receptionists has a fall out with Mrs. Boss and does not bother to return � well fine, I need to now be around here from 08:00 to 02:00. Now if that is not enough the night time security guy tells us he cannot start until 03:00 as he has other commitments over the next couple of weeks � oh well, another hour � what difference is that going to make? I am now here for one week working from 08:00 to 03:00 � that is only a 19 hour shift!! Obviously I move back here from the new house for the duration, we are full so I have to sleep in the Penthouse which is presently undergoing refurbishment and therefore a building site!


I am now tired and overworked and a little testy and to add to the woes my ulcer starts playing up � I had some raw chillis with my Vietnamese take away and they get to me every time but still I refuse to acknowledge the fact! I have now had 2 nights with a total of 8 hours sleep followed by 2 nights with no sleep as a result of the bloody ulcer so that is 8 hours sleep over 4 nights and still 3 days at least to do. Now I can tell you anyone presently staying at the hotel will vouch for the veracity of this tale as they all comment on the fact that I appear to always be here � "appear", shit, this is no magic trick, I AM ALWAYS BLOODY WELL HERE!!


I venture downstairs at 07:45 one morning to be met by the caf� music blaring out at a ridiculous volume and my night guy with his feet up on a table doing the crossword (badly) in a newspaper we have for our customers. Now as a person who needs fairly large measures of caffeine and nicotine to become vaguely human this is not a great start to the day. Later inspection finds that the night guy had obviously spent most of his time surfing sex sites on one of our computers and in a vain effort to cover his tracks deleted most of the programmes from the system! The night guy is fired!


Now you may have gauged my mood having read parts 1 and 2 and you may therefore, possibly, have an inkling of the way I felt when the cooks mother came in to the hotel this afternoon asking to speak with her daughter, apparently she had not been in touch for a couple of days so mum just wanted a chat!!!!!!!! I am able to personally confirm that the deafening explosion that followed was NOT North Korea undertaking a nuclear test in the heart of Soi Baukaow.


Anyone want to buy a business?




ISSUE 6�..


Well first of all thanks to those board members who have stopped by to say hello over the last few weeks. I am not quite sure what you thought you were going to find although feel sure you were expecting to walk into some sort degree of mayhem and carnage. You were all probably disappointed that I was not rolling around on the floor fighting a member of staff; blue in face with rage at a customer; covered from head to toe in enamel paint or involved in some way in any of the other tales you have read over the last month.


It is not like that ALL of the time. That would see me ending it all one way or the other fairly promptly. You usually get one, sometimes two, incidents a week that are worthy of note and they tend to last only a short time � a mere blink of an eye in the greater scheme of things. Can you imagine if I was firing staff or shouting at customers or spilling paint down the plugholes all day every day??


Most of the time everything here works like clockwork. Not quite as smooth as clocks from Switzerland I grant you, more your, say, Nigerian timepiece, but clockwork nonetheless. Now having said this I am getting concerned about Nigerian's and in particular upsetting Nigerian clockmakers, how many potential Nigerian clockmakers am I now going to lose as future customers? It is just an example to illustrate a point guys, I mean nothing by it, and likely some of my best friends would have been Nigerian clockmakers had I ever met any!


All in all this has been a peaceful, in the uneventful sense, few days. OK there was one 03:30 incident when a TGF got ever so slightly miffed when her farang turned up with another lady and made the merest suggestion of a manage-a-trois. It appears to me that is was only because she was a little overwhelmed by the thought that she raised her voice an octave or two higher than prudent and I am sure it was just the wind that caused the room door to slam�.. seven times! I am also convinced that the death threats she issued that resulted in said farang vacating the hotel 24 hours early were the merest of playful retorts and the two Katoeys who returned several hours later with her were only there as her way of making things up with an alternative sexual get together. Don't you just love this place?


Now I received a room booking for next July for 'Axle' and his pal 'Phirip'. A delightful enquiry it was too; well written, friendly and humorous � I had already decided these were going to be customers I looked forward to meeting with eager anticipation. Booking seven or eight months ahead as well showed planning and you could just see from the words that these guys could not wait for the time to pass before their return to the LOS. I duly issued my reply and the next morning the booking was confirmed for both rooms. Axle ADMITTED that he had inadvertently sent his reply message for me to himself which really made me laugh first thing in the morning and set me up well for that day. Axle is Irish.


By the way I keep to my word and as stated in the pre-amble to my very first issue people's names are changed for their own protection - now be fair I NEVER EVER said by how much they would be changed did I? And before all of the Irish start jumping down on me from a great height I am part Irish myself which may well explain a lot!!


The Diary will go on holiday for a couple of weeks in early December. I have my best mate arriving from the U.S. and we will spend a couple of days in Bangkok before taking a trip up to Udonthani and Nong Kai before heading back to Pattaya. My pal, Peter, whose name I am not changing because, well, he's my pal and I doubt I could ever be as rude about him as he is about me, hates Pattaya. Fine, it is not everyone's cuppa and the fact that this will be his third trip here from Baltimore in 12 months merely shows his great affection for yours truly rather than for the bawdiness of Pattaya doesn't it?


Oh yes, the French customer from Issue 5. Well he went home a day or so ago. He actually embraced me before departing, gave me his e-mail address, took away several of our cards and brochures to give to friends, made a booking for March 2007 and lodged a deposit. Funny how things so often turn out right in the end isn't it? It must be my charm!!!


PS to 'Axle' - if you read this as I am sure you will and decide to post my "admission" as your revenge then I will merely be getting what I am sure I deserve - Looking forward to your visit though and the penciled in night out with you guys!!!!!







Quite a week for me this one has been but not really along the lines I had planned.


My French connection took an unexpected turn with us at one point having 9 French guests staying at the hotel!! This included four guys who were the most charming of customers; they stayed for a week and booked for a further five days after their short trip to Phuket and are now booking 10 rooms from late July to late August next year!! How I love the French�..always have!!


Given that the hotel was full and everything was running AOK I decided to take a day off and attend to the garden at home. Now I am really no gardener � give me slabs of concrete and piles of bricks, tall buildings, office blocks all of that at any time in preference to grass, fields and all that fresh air. Anyway the grass was getting up towards Jungle proportions and I feared losing one of the kids out there so it was time to attend to matters.


Armed with a new lawnmower and strimmer I set about my task. I worked through the heat of the day and was delighted to have a swimming pool to jump into to cool myself down on a regular basis. Eventually night fell and it was too dark to continue so I packed everything away in our outhouse.




Now as you may just make out from the picture above the step down is a little deeper than the normal sized step. I completely forgot this and stepped out into the darkness hitting terra firma with a loud thud and to sound of cracking bone. The next days visit to Bangkok Pattaya hospital revealed a broken foot, sprained ankle and ligament damage.


The doc seems to think I will be able to walk around normally from next week which is a relief as I have my impending trip to Bangkok and beyond due to commence on 4th December. Perhaps Mrs. Boss will permit me a trip to Nana Plaza to get a TOE JOB!!


On the every cloud note it means that not only do I get out of the gardening for a while but that the insurance pay out is slightly higher than my annual premium so I make a profit on the deal!! As for the kids, well I will buy them a whistle and some flares should they be unable to reconnoiter their way back to the house.


My pain is hardly being eased by the cricket as the Aussies are well in control after the first couple of days play in the first Ashes Test. Good for business I suppose though as the caf� is full from very early morning with bleary eyed guys glued to the television and dripping egg down their shirt fronts. Strange how something that is on for 6 hours a day and over five days makes us afraid to avert our eyes for 5 seconds lest with miss something!!


To my American readers I simply will say�..Baseball and Cricket - same same but different. This reminds me of 4 year old telling me off a couple of days back for saying "same same but different" � "you mean similar don't you" he tells me!! Actually when told by Mrs. Boss of my fall his response was "He dead or not?" � that's my boy, straight to the point!!


Oh well, back to hobbling around and failing miserably to get any sympathy.




ISSUE 8��.


Well I am away on my trip to Bangkok and beyond on Sunday so you will not be hearing from me for a short while. Mrs. Boss is always pleased to see me go away and says the break is good for me and the savings on body bags makes me absence cost efficient!!


There is no doubting the need to get away from Pattaya on a fairly regular basis, it is a completely false world and even Bangkok offers up comparative normality. I get into my suite in the Landmark, don the complimentary bathrobe, order far too much food from room service and crash out in front of the TV watching a PPV movie like some beached whale � not that I have ever seen a beached whale watching TV but a fair resemblance it would be I dare say. Evening time I will waddle down to Huntsman's pub in the Landmark basement to watch the football and do my damndest to avoid a trip to Nana Plaza knowing that I have to be up bright and early for my pal Peter's unearthly hour arrival the following dawn. Nana Plaza will likely still be there the next day!!


Now some of you may see a few nights at a Suite in the Landmark as a frivolous expense. However, I reckon I earn this over indulgence and pampering with all the work I do and the stuff I have to put up with. I also calculate that I get about 20 days off in the entire year so I have no expensive annual vacation with air fares and so forth thus, to me, this is justified expenditure. Mrs. Boss tends to disagree and cannot understand why I do not stay somewhere more economical but then as you will soon learn Mrs. Boss extravagances make mine pale into insignificance.


As you will remember last week I managed the attention seeking feat of breaking my foot. I hobbled around for a couple of days, as a result of the sprained ankle rather than the broken bone, and then all was well. I will be eternally grateful for the complete lack of concern shown by most of you through this ordeal. I did, however, receive considerable sympathy from my youngest son who regularly stood on my foot and asked after every occasion "is it better now?" Mmmm, the healing process will be a long one if this behaviour continues unabated!!


My mobility restored I decided to tackle the remainder of the garden on Saturday. Without being asked or made any promises both my sons pitched in to help and worked long and hard with dear old Dad. Mrs. Boss likes to plant things, I know not what they are and care even less. All I know is these things, plants I believe they are called, require holes to be dug and the result of this is various mounds of earth liberally scattered on the lawn around these holes. The earth is then left for weeks to dry in the sun and embed itself nicely into the lawn. Mrs. Boss has now managed 14 such masterpieces and it was the surrounding earth that we endeavoured to remove at the weekend. Given I was attempting to save as much of the grass hidden below as possible this removal work had to be undertaken mainly by hand and was, thus, a long and painstaking task, especially with the burning sun beating down on us. Having started at around 08:00 I eventually finished at 18:30 � the boys, bless them, gave up a couple of hours earlier. Anyway, it was all done and I was rather proud of my achievement.


We now move to our swimming pool, well the swimming pool surround to be more precise. We had asked for wooden decking to be placed as a walk way around the pool and our contractors duly obliged. However, this is Thailand and unless you stand watching every move a workman makes then you are going to end up with a bloody awful job � we let the contractors do this unsupervised! The result was the decking placed on wet concrete and then "nailed" down. Now even with my limited knowledge of anything manual I know the concrete will give, the nails will inevitably come loose and the decking will become displaced. I reckoned on it lasting 6 months � I was wrong, it lasted two! We therefore recalled the contractors who had no choice but to return � we still had B200,000 of their money!! They turned up and removed all of the decking, cleared up very nicely and then the next day, when we were here at work, returned to fill the surround with concrete prior to putting on a sandstone finish.


Can you possibly understand the way I felt when on returning home to look at my recently repaired lawn that had caused me almost 20 hours work over two days, a sprained ankle and a broken foot was now covered in bloody concrete? � no not little droplets here and there, bloody great mounds of the stuff all over the sodding lawn. WHY? Mrs. Boss immediately called the contractor and I wrestled the phone off her for a few seconds which was sufficient time for me to hurl a barrage of abuse at said contractor and although I doubt he understood a word of it at least some of my tension was dissipated!!


To add to my jolly mood I then noticed that the very large pond to the front of the house had been destroyed. I missed it initially with all the excitement over the mounds of cement on the lawn but now it was there and I stood in shock. Wh��.wha��.WHAT THE F*CK I eventually managed to utter as I stood pointing at an enormous great hole measuring approximately 5 meters x 3 meters and some one meter plus deep. "Oh that, didn't I tell you?" chirps up Mrs. Boss "I didn't like the pond so I told them to get rid of it". This cost us B100,000 only two months ago and now I have this woman who abuses me for spending B4000 a night to stay at the Landmark in Bangkok telling me she 'just changed her mind' over something that cost B100,000 � incredible, quite incredible!!!


So as you can see my dear readers my life remains a constant torment. Even when everything on the hotel front is serene life still finds a way to shove a bloody great spanner in the works!



Edited by Alleycat
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  • kevin meacher


  • Braveheart


  • Soovu


  • sexy beast


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Thanks very much Kevin. I wish you, your family and your staff a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Keep up the struggle for sanity, it's there somewhere. :001_XMas_Chokdee1: :Holidays: :001_XMas:

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HAHA..That was awesome..keep it up. Merry x-mas to you and yours


off topic question... do you own jasmine mansion or jasmin hotel, or are they the same thing?

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don dadda - My wife, Jin, and I own Jasmine Mansion. We own the building as well as the business therefore have a vested interest in maintaining both and we have no landlord to concern us. We purchased the building as a "shell" over 4 years ago and undertook all the internal refurbishment using our own contractors. Jasmine hotel off Walking Street is not related to us although some of our customers end up being taken there by taxi drivers and some arrive here when they should be there. If you are booking with us and do not know Soi Baukaow then let mew know and I will send precise directions.


I am pleased you and other members enjoy my tales - writing them is wonderful therapy for me!!!


Happy Christmas one and all.

Edited by kevin meacher
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  • 2 weeks later...

Thanks for the update Kevin. Glad to see things are going 'normal' for you. Loved the bit about being the first ever Westerner in LOS, classic. :P

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Thanks for the update. Fucking pissed up English. Will we ever learn. :Beat Chest:

Double Gold Medalist. 2006 Mongering Olympics

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Kevin please believe me when I say that I really don't meanto laugh at your distress, but unfortunately it is unavoidable for me. I thank you again for taking the time to post about your misfortune and foibles for us. Please keep up the good work. :Crappy:

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Kev thanks for your continued progress reports, is it possible to post some pics? :Crappy:

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Household appliances are generally not meant for restaurant use - so I guess that a year is not too bad

<!--START COUNTER CODE--><EMBED SRC="http://games.webgamedesign.com/free/counter2-1.swf?title=Time%20to%20Pattaya&count=down&time=1331452800000&bgc=0x0077cc&bgb=1&bgd=0&bc=0xcccccc&bb=1&bd=0&tc=0xcccccc&tb=1&td=1&uc=0x99ccff&ub=1&ud=2&nc=0x333333&nb=1&nd=0" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" NAME="Free Counter" ALIGN=MIDDLE WIDTH=500 HEIGHT=100 quality="high" bgcolor="#ffffff" allowScriptAccess="sameDomain" allowFullScreen="false" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"><br><div style="width: 500px; text-align: center">Use the <a href="http://www.webgamedesign.com/countdown.php">countdown generator</a> to create your own <a href="http://www.webgamedesign.com/countdown.php">countdown</a>.</div><!--END COUNTER CODE -->

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A bit of thread-hijacking (and Kevins trials are damn fine entertainment) - but thanks :-)

<!--START COUNTER CODE--><EMBED SRC="http://games.webgamedesign.com/free/counter2-1.swf?title=Time%20to%20Pattaya&count=down&time=1331452800000&bgc=0x0077cc&bgb=1&bgd=0&bc=0xcccccc&bb=1&bd=0&tc=0xcccccc&tb=1&td=1&uc=0x99ccff&ub=1&ud=2&nc=0x333333&nb=1&nd=0" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" NAME="Free Counter" ALIGN=MIDDLE WIDTH=500 HEIGHT=100 quality="high" bgcolor="#ffffff" allowScriptAccess="sameDomain" allowFullScreen="false" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"><br><div style="width: 500px; text-align: center">Use the <a href="http://www.webgamedesign.com/countdown.php">countdown generator</a> to create your own <a href="http://www.webgamedesign.com/countdown.php">countdown</a>.</div><!--END COUNTER CODE -->

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sexy beast - are you mad? (i) I could come nowhere near matching the pic/video clip you have up and (ii) when in the midst of mayhem do you imagine I can suspend time whilst I pop off and get the camera? LOL.

Edited by kevin meacher
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Maybe you should wear a helmet cam Kevin? This would also be handy for those days when heavy objects decide to use your head as a landing field. :Drunk1:

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sexy beast - are you mad? (i) I could come nowhere near matching the pic/video clip you have up and (ii) when in the midst of mayhem do you imagine I can suspend time whilst I pop off and get the camera? LOL.


:P:Bow2::Bow2: you say the sweetest things :Drunk1: now a couple of :wacko: is your mission if you choose to accept, this post will self distruct in 5 seconds :25:

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Sorry mate. I disconnected the self destruct switch the other day. You'll have to do it manually. :wacko::Drunk1:

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Big HELLO to Kevin and Jin at the Jasmin Mansion!! Stayed there for 3 weeks a couple of years ago on my one and only trip to Thailand and I have to say it was a super duper place, calm, relaxed, clean and very friendly.


Had just come out of a 20 year marriage ( I got dumped by the wife hehe... although it wasnt THAT funny at the time ) and jetted off to console myself in sunny Pattaya. I was there on my own but was made to feel very welcome at Kevin and Jin's place. I guess you will not remember me Kevin, I was the one who woulld take over the large screen TV in reception and play my 'Bottom' dvd's (for those that dont know what 'Bottom' is, its a silly but funny British comedy series... mad, violent but very funny.


Once back to the UK after a lovely month in Pattaya I settled down to look after my 3 kids (she left them as well!). Well, its now time to return to Pattaya, coming to stay in March for a whole month again except this time it is with a couple of friends (married couple), thats how I found this forum and it caught my eye... and then I read Kevins Diaries! wow small world!


I tried to convince my two friends to stay at the Jasmin Mansion, but Debbie insisted on a pool, so I guess that was that. Anyway, my choice would have been the Jasmin. So hi to you all, hopefully have a beer or two with some of you when we get there on March 3rd. And a BIG HELLO and THANKS to Kevin and Jin, I will make a point of calling in and having a beer... you never know, I might even bring my 'Bottom' dvd's hehe.


Mick from England


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Welcome here Mick, 9 more posts gets you another section in that you will be a trusted member! Good 1st post, there are plenty of topics about to add to!


Thanks again for taking part :P

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Welcome here Mick, 9 more posts gets you another section in that you will be a trusted member! Good 1st post, there are plenty of topics about to add to!


Thanks again for taking part :P


Thanks Sexy (are you really a beast?), Enjoying looking around the forum, indeed, it has already been added to my 'favourites'

list :Happy1:

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Thanks Sexy (are you really a beast?), Enjoying looking around the forum, indeed, it has already been added to my 'favourites'

list :Happy1:


Nothing like a beast, but rather sexy :rolleyes: My board name is taken from the movie 'sexy beast' :Chokdee:


If you look under my avatar it will tell you what I'm about!



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Nothing like a beast, but rather sexy :rolleyes: My board name is taken from the movie 'sexy beast' :Chokdee:


If you look under my avatar it will tell you what I'm about!




Thanks for that :P


Actually, it wasnt easy taking my eyes off your avatar :Dance1: but I managed in the end B)


PS. 7 posts to go then... is it really that easy to become trusted? usually takes me weeks when I meet a girl... must be my perpetual frown :angry2:

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Dear Mick/Soovu,


How could I forget? Very good to hear from you and to see that things are going well. I look forward to seeing you when you are over here and catching up over a couple of beers!! Mrs Boss sends her best wishes and her and the family are all doing well.


Good Luck and Best wishes,


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