Sexual Addiction

[1tooth]

One of the guys posted an audio books link on another thread, and whilst browsing a saw this:

https://audiobookbay.is/asbs/breaking-the-cycle-free-yourself-from-sex-addiction-porn-obsession-and-shame-george-collins-ma-andrew-adleman-ma-1231/

The audiobook is 5 hours too long. The whole thing could have been completed in 40 minutes. The stories are bullshit, but the key points are made and well explained.

For decades, I have believed I have had compulsive behavior. The next experience has always been like going down a never ending path, chasing something you can almost touch with your fingertips, but can never quite reach. I have really enjoyed my deviant behavior, so I never thought about its effects on my life. Listening to it made me confront all of life’s lost opportunities. I still have a great life, but I could easily have achieved so much more. It’s similar to being a high functioning alcoholic.

Anyway, I think this audio tape may be of benefit to others. This post is not meant to put the reader down or to criticize anybody’s life choices. IF THIS DOESN’T AFFECT YOU, OR YOU DON’T HAVE CONSTRUCTIVE INPUT, THEN DON’T POST ON THIS THREAD. POST ON ONE OF THE OTHER WONDERFUL THREADS ON THIS FORUM.

[Bebenee]

I can feel you. In the past i have lost valuable personal relationships due to the fear of missing out and finding the "next best thing". I think in the end its an addicted mind that is always looking for the next big thing and the feeling of "the grass is always greener". I know that my behaviour is not good, but i also cannot find a way to improve myself so i live with it

[bhthai]

On 05/11/2023 at 17:40, Bebenee said:

I can feel you. In the past i have lost valuable personal relationships due to the fear of missing out and finding the "next best thing". I think in the end its an addicted mind that is always looking for the next big thing and the feeling of "the grass is always greener". I know that my behaviour is not good, but i also cannot find a way to improve myself so i live with it

Can definitely relate.

Making trips half way around the world, to sleep with as many women as possible, is not normal behaviour. Especially for someone my age, who isn't deprived back in farangland.

It's had some amazing GF's back in farangland, but all I could focus on was wanting to return to Pattaya for more and more girls.

That being said, I have bipolar disorder and since I've been on bipolar medication my sexual obsession and hypersexuality has definitely diminished. 

 

[Hamchang]

Interesting stuff indeed and yes I can certainly relate. The link to the audiobook is not working for me. I found this PDF - can you confirm its the same things? 

 

https://ia903204.us.archive.org/17/items/breaking-the-cycle/Breaking the Cycle.pdf

[MarcusS]

The regular trips to Thailand is a main motivation for a lot of what I do when back home: Exercise, lose weight, save up money, learn more thai and prepare for the trip. And this forum doesn't help😂 It ensures constant input of what you are missing out on and would have wanted, here and now. 

I once bought the book of Sex Addicts Anonymous: 

https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Addicts-3rd-Conference-Approved/dp/0989228649

A lot to learn and think about, but typically you would have to hit rock bottom before you have sufficient motivation to change. 

Although there are times I wonder what my life would have been like without this strong interest, and opportunities have definitely been lost because of it, I wouldn't had been without the unique thai experiences for the world. 

[Bruce Mangosteen]

As can easily be determined by reading my current sig, FOMO is not something I'm afflicted with.  Fortunately, my responsibilities to my family and employment have, generally speaking, not been eclipsed by mongering, alcohol, drugs, porn, or any of the other potentially destructive distractions and predilections.  

In the specific case of mongering, I only started at the very end of a previous "marriage" that was already in the shitter for a long time, and had in fact already been functionally abandoned by my then "wife".  I completely stopped mongering when I was lucky enough to get with the current Lady Mangosteen, and have not the slightest desire to resume.  

If anything, my "what if I had made different choices" navel-gazing pertains to me simply not giving a shit about money.  I was a computer engineer in the early 80s at a time when gigantic fortunes were being made at it, but yet turned down any number of offers (e.g. a director-level management gig in the IT department of Deuschebank at their headquarters in Manhattan) that would have increased my income dramatically.  I preferred to spend time with friends and family than invest the gigantic amounts of time and emotion that were required.

Perhaps just as well though.  Instead of growing old on a Metro North train to nowhere and being "married" to a whining, grasping farang whose face looks like her father's picture projected onto a wrinkled up paper bag, I bedded a succession of lithe Thai cuties, partied my ass off, traveled the world consulting in the steel industry, and am now married to a lovely Thai woman who treats me like gold, and makes me glad to be alive every single day.

So, no regrets.  I don't fret about what might have been, because I could scarcely top what actually is, and has been.

[No-man]

Not sure I can buy into sexual addiction. A man has a biological need for sex, just like hunger or thirst. We are taught its wrong and not normal but its a natural desire, not un normal behavior in my opinion.

Yes I have wasted some time and money satisfying those desires. Im happy with what Ive achieved in life as well though. I dont think it ruined any relationships either.

I have enjoyed my work hard play hard way of life and wouldnt have it any other way. As long as you balanced work, responsibilities and mongering, you did well.

Women in the west are outfucking men by a mile these days. Do you think they call it sex addiction lol?

[Yogi007]

Interesting post, I do think about this a lot. When I am leaving Pattaya the only thing I can think about is planning the next trip back. I have friends who are addicted to Marrakech. I find it a bit of a faff in Marrakech and prefer Pattaya. 

My addiction is the sheer choice of women available, girl next door all the way to slutty whore in a variety of ages - all available on tap without much effort. An LT that tidies up your room and irons your clothes without even being asked, something very special and heart warming about some ladies that deserve to be treated with respect and rewarded well. 

 

[jed§]

On 28/07/2023 at 19:47, 1tooth said:

18 hours ago, MarcusS said:

Sex Addicts Anonymous:       A lot to learn and think about, but typically you would have to hit rock bottom

 

18 hours ago, MarcusS said:

opportunities have definitely been lost because of it

It’s similar to being a high functioning alcoholic.

Just picking out a few pertinent comments from this very interesting topic (up to know, anyway) Without going into too much detail and not wanting to start a debate about 'what's an addiction'? it's a subject which I've often thought about. I don't have sex with other women now - just my partner. I'm not sure what changed though. It's often crossed my mind. Did I find the 'right' woman? Did I get sick and tired of it all? I think a bit of both. I do remember having a clear thought which said "I can't be bothered" one day when I was thinking of going out to have sex with someone. After that, the desire seemed to go away. 

[jed§]

If you are getting worried about your sexual behavior there is, as already mentioned the book 'Sex Addicts Anonymous' and also 'Sexaholics Anonymous' and 'Sex and Love Addicts' All three are also fellowships similar to AA and there are meetings for each in many countries, but especially the UK and USA.

If you think you have an addiction to sex, and or sex and falling in love, be honest with yourself and ask the question:- is it affecting 1 or more of these areas of your life; finances, family, work and health. You might be lying to people (family, friends or at work about where you've been, what you have been doing, why you're short of money etc.

[MarcusS]

54 minutes ago, jed§ said:

I do remember having a clear thought which said "I can't be bothered" one day when I was thinking of going out to have sex with someone. After that, the Desire seemed to go away. 

Fully understandable if you don't want to answer, but since you don't mention it among the possible reasons, could I ask about your age, Jed? I would guess that the bother vs. desire ratio changes with time.

Edited May 2, 2024 by MarcusS

[rain420]

Yeah I sometimes wonder if it's an addiction or somewhat normal behavior.

When I consider all the money I put into vacations, that I then spend with mongering.

Sometimes I feel like the only  thing I'm working towards is my next trip.

I also have a hard time imagining having sex with the same woman for the rest of my life.

Hard to say how healthy all of this is.

But for now I'm still having a good time

[jed§]

34 minutes ago, MarcusS said:

Fully understandable if you don't want to answer, but since you don't mention it among the possible reasons, could I ask about your age, Jed? I would guess that the bother vs. Desire ratio changes with time.

No worries, Marcus. I'm 66 and yes, it's probably true, what you say. I think, though, that it also had something to do with me starting to meditate, about 6 years ago. Somehow I felt like a fraud. It was like, here I am still over indulging in something which doesn't feel healthy or which didn't sit very well with me.

[MarcusS]

8 minutes ago, jed§ said:

it also had something to do with me starting to meditate, about 6 years ago

That's really interesting. 

[jed§]

44 minutes ago, MarcusS said:

That's really interesting. 

  😃   "As for Thailand: "The syphilis infection rate increased from 11 per 100,000 people in 2018 to 18.6 per 100,000 people in 2022, with young people accounting for much of the increase"  As you said in another post, Marcus. Looks like I pulled out (pardon the pun)  just in time  😁

[Joeleg]

Never considered as an addiction. But I do know that one tends to move more freely when there are no bonds back home. 

Note sure if Ryan Giggs is the benchmark for addiction but I would think he comes the closest as he does not seem to have any boundaries. Ironically he was on his best when ran down the left boundary. 

[Yogi007]

Just saw a random clip of “Two and half men”, it just reminded me why I might be addicted to Pattaya. I can be Charlie Sheen! 

[Yogi007]

3 hours ago, Yogi007 said:

Just saw a random clip of “Two and half men”, it just reminded me why I might be addicted to Pattaya. I can be Charlie Sheen! 

These clips getting me addicted again! 
 

 

 

[Yogi007]

Just rings so true ‘nookie junkie!’

 

 

 

 

[mr21]

Overall I'm fortunate and can indulge in pretty much everything on a moderate basis. I've entered a phase in life where self-improvement and reflection are becoming increasingly important. How sex plays into that is an important aspect for sure and how it's affected my life path.

Now in my mid-50s I've realized that sex isn't as important as I thought it would be when I was younger and envisioning my future life (now my present life). I still love going to Pattaya but now it's not primarily just for the sex - also the friends, food, fun vibe, sense of freedom, convenience for most things/services, etc.

Anyway this essay isn't exactly about sex addiction but could be interesting to some of you:

https://goodbachelorhood.com/sex-is-overrated/

A comment below the essay that hit home with me:

Quote

At 20 I loved the Prison.
At 30 I hated it but it was my home.
At 40 I was let out for short walks.
Now at 50+ I am out of the Prison and it’s indescribable. The Prison is hormones. I would never EVER want to go back to feeling like I have to have sex. Now when I want to I do. When I don’t I do something else. Life is so much simpler and better because of that.

 

Edited June 3, 2024 by mr21