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Explorer8939

TG Protocol for Sudden Death of a Relative

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Explorer8939

The call came at 2 am, a cousin back in the village drove his truck into a tree. I saw the aftermath on Facebook, not pretty. And no seat belt.

What is the normal Protocol for such events?

Is she supposed to drop everything and go back to the village for the funeral? Are there a specified number of days of mourning? Anything else required in Thai culture?

My TG has a bunch of cousins, when I was in the village I didn't meet this one, although I met his father.

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deano4598
58 minutes ago, Explorer8939 said:

What is the normal Protocol for such events?

Seems a strange question to be asking a bunch of non-Thais, why did you not ask her? TBH I would guess that the reaction would depend entirely on how close they were.

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Explorer8939
2 hours ago, deano4598 said:

Seems a strange question to be asking a bunch of non-Thais, why did you not ask her? TBH I would guess that the reaction would depend entirely on how close they were.

Well, she is not in a good condition to have such a discussion.

 

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deano4598
12 minutes ago, Explorer8939 said:

Well, she is not in a good condition to have such a discussion.

 

A hand on her shoulder, a hug, a gentle concerned voice, "what you want to do darling? can I help?" 

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Explorer8939
11 minutes ago, deano4598 said:

A hand on her shoulder, a hug, a gentle concerned voice, "what you want to do darling? can I help?" 

I am looking for Thai cultural norms concerning deaths in the extended family.

 

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Dalef65
4 hours ago, Explorer8939 said:

What is the normal Protocol for such events?

Is she supposed to drop everything and go back to the village for the funeral? Are there a specified number of days of mourning? Anything else required in Thai culture?

If they were close (and perhaps even if they were not) it is quite likely she will drop everything and go to the village for the funeral and a period of mourning.

I don't know if there is a specific number of days, but it is highly likely that her presence will be expected.

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equanimous

Went with friend to village to see bungfai... Big Sky rocket festival. While there friend was invited to... Wake type thing... Went along... It was like an ongoing party/wake with the body in a glass type refrigerated coffin thing... Lots of people outside... Food tables... Inside a bit more sombre... Think the body was there for a few days before it goes to the temple for cremation... Don't know exactly how many days..

That's my vague offering.. if it's any help...

Think the family wasn't poor... But not rich either... I remember people were donating.. maybe to help pay for funeral... Wether it's different for poor families????

Funny ... Was sitting there near coffin... And they were trying to marry me off!!!!!!  :WhoSaw1:

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gitteyman

A thousand baht note will help !

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MrJ200

The mourning in the temple goes on for a couple of days prior to cremation. Close family will be expected to attend the temple from morning until evening.

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dan2016

From my experience in the village and going to several Thai village funerals including my mother in law, it all depends if your TG was very close to her cousin. If so then expect to chip in for the wake which is a usually a BIG turnout with all family and villagers who attend to the deceased house for 2-3 days for food, alcohol and gambling.

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Explorer8939

It's not possible for my TG to go the funeral, so I am looking for some options.

If bargirls were required to go back to Isaan upon the death of an extended family member, the bars would be empty. I suspect attendance is required for immediate family members only. However, my TG's sister lives in Udon Thani, I suspect she won't go to the funeral, which is a 4 hour drive.

My thoughts are:

Offer to go to Temple tomorrow.

Offer to send baht for the funeral.

 

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Explorer8939

My TG friend has done nothing but cry since yesterday.  Of course, she cries when a minor character in a movie is killed off, so it’s not unexpected.

If she cries for more than a week, I will have to go to Plan B.

I am checking Facebook to see if her relatives around Isaan are going to the village for the funeral. So far, they are just posting sad faces.

The funeral allegedly started yesterday, right after the accident, and will continue for 2 or 3 days.

The accident scene was posted on Facebook, the typical country road, the truck went off the road at 90 degrees (?), evidentially smashing into a tree on the drivers side. No skid marks on the road, at least not near the impact site. All I can imagine is there was a cow in the road, the driver swerved, but didn’t hit the brakes. No drivers side airbag that I could see.
 

if the driver was drunk or asleep, the truck would not have been perpendicular to the road, that took active steering.

Edited by Explorer8939

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thinkingallowed

In general three days is considered minimum (normal) mourning time. This is generally extended for rich or high standing members of society.

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Pheat
22 hours ago, Explorer8939 said:

It's not possible for my TG to go the funeral, so I am looking for some options.

How can it not be possible.?

If the person who has died is important to her she will go 100%

if the person is not she will not bother simples

Been with my present Thai wife for 10 years in this time at least 10 family /close friends have passed.

She has gone to every funeral most were in Nong Knai a fair distance to travel from Pattaya to show her respect and I have gone with her a few times. 
‘Most recently when her grandmother died 4 weeks ago who was massively respected well over 1000 people went to her cremation 

Edited by Pheat

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Explorer8939
4 minutes ago, Pheat said:

How can it not be possible.?

If the person who has died is important to her she will go 100%

if the person is not she will not bother simples

Been with my present Thai wife for 10 years in this time at least 10 family /close friends have passed.

She has gone to every funeral most were in Nong Knai a fair distance to travel from Pattaya to show her respect and I have gone with her a few times. 

We're in Vietnam.

Did your wife go to Nong Khai for funerals of cousins?

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Pheat
Just now, Explorer8939 said:

We're in Vietnam.

Did your wife go to Nong Khai for funerals of cousins?

if the person who passed means anything to her she will drop everything and go.
Yep 3 cousins all under 25 years old 

2 motorcycle accidents/1 pick up accident common denominator alcohol 

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Explorer8939

Almost on cue, my TG asked to go home for the funeral. Apparently, her mother is pressuring her to come home.

She has no money, though, and I booked another 10 days of travel. 

I told her I would pay for her ticket back today, but could never travel with her again.

I noticed that her other relatives in Isaan are not traveling to the funeral. 

If she is miserable for the next 10 days, I will send her back to Isaan afterwards with some money in her pocket.

Edited by Explorer8939

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Mr_wimpy
1 hour ago, Explorer8939 said:

I told her I would pay for her ticket back today, but could never travel with her again.

Bit harsh.  It’s not her fault :wacko:

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Explorer8939
36 minutes ago, Mr_wimpy said:

Bit harsh.  It’s not her fault :wacko:

Think about that carefully. 
 

 

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Mr_wimpy
3 minutes ago, Explorer8939 said:

Think about that carefully. 
 

Stuck :Dunno:

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Explorer8939
1 minute ago, Mr_wimpy said:

Stuck :Dunno:

She’s got money, she can fly home anytime. She doesn’t want to spend it, she has more important stuff to use it for.

 

Edited by Explorer8939

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Mr_wimpy
2 minutes ago, Explorer8939 said:

She’s got money, she can fly home anytime.

 

Ahhhh is this another scam thread in disguise.  Sorry I didn’t realise.  Please carry on :rolleyes:

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boingo

Geez some of these incidents are starting to read like episodes from "Some Mothers do ave em".

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Explorer8939
2 hours ago, Mr_wimpy said:

Ahhhh is this another scam thread in disguise.  Sorry I didn’t realise.  Please carry on :rolleyes:

Not a scam, just a question of how significant missing the funeral is.

Anyway, all fixed for now 

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Explorer8939

To sum up:

i am with a TG on a 2 week trip abroad. She desperately needs the money to pay for her son’s Sinsod for his upcoming wedding. Her cousin suddenly died, and there is a big funeral back in the village. Yesterday, she broke down and asked to return to Thailand. I told her, sure, but she won’t get her Sinsod money.

She has cash to pay for an airline ticket home.

Meanwhile, her family is asking if she will return to the village. She has been crying for the last 24 hours.

After our conversation, she fell asleep. When she woke up, she was more or less normal.

Last night, we drank a bunch of Bailey’s, and she seemed normal. 
 

i sent the family 5,000 baht to help pay for the funeral.

My feeling is that, if the deceased is not immediate family, TGs are not required to return from overseas for the funeral. By the time she got a flight, and then took the overnight bus, the minivan and the moto back to the village, the funeral is going to be over, anyway.

The question is her demeanor for the rest of the trip.

 

 

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