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Marrying but staying in separate countries


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Very keen on marrying my Thai gf and she is keen too. However she is afraid of living anywhere other than Thailand and I still have a good number of employable years in me yet. I can't see myself earning a similar wage in Thailand. She has proposed the idea of marrying now but each of us continuing to live in our own countries with regular visits in both directions. Is this a recipe for disaster?

 

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   You say she's afraid  . Afraid of what  ?   Most of them would jump at the chance to go overseas and earn money to send home .   Hope your not paying her for staying in Thai then . ? 

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If you cannot live together for many years to come then why do you want to marry her? .. In order to reserve her for yourself?

 

She wants to be with any farang who sends her money you because you're a means to a financial end, which is security for her and her family.

 

You want to be with her because you fell for her charms and she's different.

 

Why tie yourself-up in this potential nightmare without any of the benefits?

 

She will still be fucking other men for money in the meantime, even if only on the side, and probably has a Thai boyfriend brother if she's living back up-country.

 

If you can live with all that and fund her bone-idle lifestyle in the process then chok dee Krab.

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I think Thai people in general are very insular and it's not unusual for them to not look anywhere else in the world.

They (some) will go anywhere if the money is right, but your right staying home is best, like many other people.
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if she is not willing to move forget it. Seriuosly sound like she is looking for an ATM not a husband.

 

if she is going to come and vsit you why dont you do this first ?   there is no need to get married is there?

 

test her to see if she will visit then take it from there.. build up the time she spends over with you.

 

You will have to put a lot of efffort in to help he get use to your country expecially if you work but it can be done and slowly she will make new friends.

Edited by T-T-T
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Some good advice and some less good. I am wary of the ATM angle too but I've lived with her in Thailand for my last 4 trips, met the family, Skype with her and say the odd sawatdee krap to her mum so am fairly sure she's on the up and up. What she suggests is not ideal but I thought I'd ask around as I see there are many long haul expats on this forum.

 

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Some good advice and some less good. I am wary of the ATM angle too but I've lived with her in Thailand for my last 4 trips, met the family, Skype with her and say the odd sawatdee krap to her mum so am fairly sure she's on the up and up. What she suggests is not ideal but I thought I'd ask around as I see there are many long haul expats on this forum.

 

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As i have said on many threads similar to this.

Distance relationships very rarely work

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Some good advice and some less good. I am wary of the ATM angle too but I've lived with her in Thailand for my last 4 trips, met the family, Skype with her and say the odd sawatdee krap to her mum so am fairly sure she's on the up and up. What she suggests is not ideal but I thought I'd ask around as I see there are many long haul expats on this forum.

 

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if you have lived iwth her on your lst 4 trips and skype everyday and met the family etc ...presume you have been supporting her  why dont you apply for  tourist visa for her ?

 

What need to be wary of is has there been a SIN SOD mentioned this is the Thai dowry system... you get married you hand over a huge lump sum then the wife littererly stops seeing you or just sees you when you visit and refuses to come to your country..... and makes all excuses and eventually you divorce her. 

 

Just shacking up with her 4 times and meeting the family isnt knowing somebody.

 

Get her over to yours on a tourist visa she how it goes would be my plan ......saying she is scared makes me think she is not fully commited

 

but good luck

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@ exercise

 

May be you are book smart, but street smart is what you need to be.

 

Oh well, it's your life...one day may be you will learn.......

 

:Disease1: :Disease1: :Disease1: :Disease1: :Disease1: :Disease1: :Disease1:

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If you are only "staying" in separate countries and not "living" there I don't see a problem.

 

Anyone else find this amusing?

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Married my gf only a few weeks ago after being with her for 4 yrs...I got her over here on a tourist visa back in March 2015 and she is back again in less than 4 weeks. My wife cannot wait till she is living here but in the meantime we managed as best we can I am usually in Patts 3 mths at a time then go home for 3 mths and she comes over here. So far so good...

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Married my gf only a few weeks ago after being with her for 4 yrs...I got her over here on a tourist visa back in March 2015 and she is back again in less than 4 weeks. My wife cannot wait till she is living here but in the meantime we managed as best we can I am usually in Patts 3 mths at a time then go home for 3 mths and she comes over here. So far so good...

Was there much pressure from her to marry earlier?

 

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Was there much pressure from her to marry earlier?

 

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Sort of , it was me that wanted to think about it for as long as it took...some guys meet up and marry after a much shorter time like a mate of mine did after 6 months...his wife is now living in Australia but goes home at school holiday time with her son.

Can I ask how old you both are and how long you have been going out ?

Edited by ProudAussie
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I'm over 50 though am told I look and act like I'm in my late 30s. She is early 30s. Known each other for 1.5 years.

 

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I'm over 50 though am told I look and act like I'm in my late 30s. She is early 30s. Known each other for 1.5 years.

 

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Im 51 she 38....imho 1.5 yrs is too early but that is just me...each to their own

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Tread carefully.

She may be genuine, but I doubt it.

I would take her to Oz first.

Not only is it about SinSod, but then the new home, motorbike, car, monthly allowance....etc etc

.....believe me it never ends.

As long as you are FIRM and let her know you wont be supporting her and her Family (and stick to your rules) you minimise the risk of

being fleeced.

I know Thai Girls living and working in Oz and they are happy. They earn decent money and send money home, and they prefer

living in Oz.

Then there are those happy to go on overseas "holidays"....for Holidays yes. To LIVE no!!

All the cards need to be on the table before you make an informed decision.

Ask her lots of questions. If she is vague or evasive, I suggest MOVE ON.

 

Cheers

H888

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Few Cynical Buggers on the thread to say the least !!  Invariably because they have crashed and burned themselves.  Go for it worst case scenario you divorce and go your separate ways no pun intended !

Edited by Harvey707
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I'm not being cynical, I have a long distance relationship, I am being realistic.

 

It can't work without a plan to be together, even then it is difficult.

 

If your plan is to live in different countries, then give up now, save your self a lot of trouble

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Some good advice and some less good. I am wary of the ATM angle too but I've lived with her in Thailand for my last 4 trips, met the family, Skype with her and say the odd sawatdee krap to her mum so am fairly sure she's on the up and up. What she suggests is not ideal but I thought I'd ask around as I see there are many long haul expats on this forum.

 

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Don't worry mate... if this is happening ( in bold)... then all will be well.

 

cheers

Some good advice and some less good. I am wary of the ATM angle too but I've lived with her in Thailand for my last 4 trips, met the family, Skype with her and say the odd sawatdee krap to her mum so am fairly sure she's on the up and up. What she suggests is not ideal but I thought I'd ask around as I see there are many long haul expats on this forum.

 

Sent from my SM-G900I using Tapatalk

Don't worry mate... if this is happening ( in bold)... then all will be well.

 

cheers

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