From perverted minds to big cocks

January 13, 2012

As I’ve written previously, I really like the back door of this site (stop sniggering), in the sense of seeing what kind of searches bring people to inpattayanow.com.

So, the following is a smorgasbord of the more unusual sounding searches.

Let’s start with the tourist demographic. ‘Why are there so many Russians in Pattaya’ asked someone. There are a lot of people who ask the same question.

‘Do the Russians own Pattaya?’ Almost.

One of my favourites was ‘How-perverted-is-your-mind’. I guess it depends on your own life experiences, your upbringing, and the cultural mores of your country or city. What is perverted for one person is seemingly commonplace for another.

Then there was ‘Stories of sex addiction withdrawal’. Pattaya is about the last place on the planet where someone addicted to sex would be coming -if you’ll pardon the unintended pun- to try and kick the habit and go cold turkey.

Someone keyed in ‘Fools in paradise.’ We have just the one, and he writes a column every couple of weeks, but there are a multitude of walking reserves ever ready to step up to the plate and lay claim to the title.

‘Where is Spicy Girls a go go in Pattaya Thailand?’ was one forlorn question. Sadly, the answer is ‘long gone.’ It was first located down in gender-confused Pattayaland Soi 1 and was one of the more successful dens in Fun Town. It finally withered on the vine in Soi Post Office some years ago.

‘Paatayya’ just reeked of either dyslexia or someone who was trying to bang away on a keyboard while more inebriated than a sailor on shore leave.

‘Missionary position’ was either somebody in a dog collar searching for the latest official pronouncements from a religious institution, someone with no sexual imagination, or a virgin wondering ‘how is it done?’

The ‘Biggest cocks in Pattaya’ might have been an innocent search from a poultry farmer from somewhere like Knobend, Indiana. If this was the case, then I can say no, Pattaya is no longer a seaside semi-rural retreat. Most of the bigger cocks are found scattered about the rice farms of Pichit. Flavoursome, if consumed within three hours of meeting their demise at the claws of an even bigger cock during a Sunday afternoon village stoush.

Finally, there was ‘Weird stuff you see in Pattaya.’ This would fill a volume larger than Tolstoy’s War and Peace and the novels of Tom Clancy combined. It’s why we love it.

©Duncan Stearn