Pattaya jet ski scammers say they are misunderstood

As the high season jet-ski scamming season is now in full swing, we were contacted by two long-time Pattaya jet-ski operators who were keen to put their side of the story, suggesting they are just a misunderstood minority simply trying to earn a dishonest living.

The two men are brothers, Turdsuk, 28, and Turdsak, 26. They come originally from Amphur Anywhere in Mukdahan province and asked us to refer to them simply as Big Turd and Little Turd.

“For so many years we were ignored by the local and international press, “ complained Big Turd. “It was all ‘Phuket this’, and ‘Phuket that’. The jet-ski operators of Phuket got all the press while we in Pattaya hardly ever rated a mention. It was so frustrating because we are as good as anyone at extracting money with menaces.”

The pair claimed they combined with other jet-ski operators and became determined to ramp up their collective profile.

Little Turd chimed in, “It was an affront to our manhood. How could we continue to allow Phuket jet-ski operators to steal all the best headlines? We were becoming a laughing stock.”

The pair agreed the increased threat of violence to tourists, including pulling knives and donning knuckle dusters, as well as just “looking tough” had completely changed the way Pattaya’s jet-ski operators are now viewed.

“We made the front pages of most of the local newspapers. We had the British Foreign Office add Pattaya to Phuket as a place to be wary of hiring jet-skis. We had a national television channel do a report on Pattaya jet skis and City Hall spent a few days making a lot of noise about making sure we were licensed and getting rid of the rogues,” stated Big Turd.

“You just can’t buy publicity like that,” exclaimed Little Turd. “Sure we lost a lot of business from the English-language speakers, the British and Americans, but we keep a close eye on what the TAT [Tourism Authority of Thailand] is doing and we knew they were getting Indians to come to Pattaya in bigger numbers. So, we target them, and the East Europeans. And we know everyone just hates the Indians and the Russians, so no one cares what happens to them.”

The pair claim they now not only have the respect of their cousins in Phuket, they have their envy.

“We are the number one scam artists in the jet-ski game,” said Big Turd, sticking his chest out and beaming like a stuck pig. “Hey, go to YouTube and there are videos of us plastered all over the Internet.”

When asked why they tried to extract such hefty sums for what is usually only a small strip of rubber that allegedly falls off one side, Big Turd was quick to reply, “You have no idea of our expenses. Just to set up on a part of the beach costs a fortune in back-handers. Then we have to pay a percentage of whatever we get as a kind of local government tax. And have you seen how much 24 bottles of Singha costs these days. Outrageous. Those breweries are worse than us.”

He then asked, “Do you want to take one of our jet-skis out for a spin? Only 500 baht for 15 minutes and I promise we’ll only hit you up for another 20,000 for damage. That’s a great discount on our normal rates, because we won’t involve our uniformed friends, OK?”

We politely declined.