What Thai Women Really Mean (Part 2)

[Pattaya One]

This continues the excellent Thai Visa thread:  “The funny things the Girls Say”.

Food

Kicking off with perhaps my favourite quote I have read on web boards in ages, Lordsux  said: I asked my wife, "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" she replied "I'm not hungry".

Keeping it on food, Zarkow related the following interesting conversation with his wife in a restaurant:

She: - "Do you want a slut?"
Me: - "Um..."
She: - "I might take a slut..."
Me: - "..."
She: - "...a chicken slut maybe...I like the dressing too."

Unfortunately she only meant a salad.

Beerchang  and his wife almost had a big ploplem about food too, when he said after a meal: "Don't give me any more food or I'll go boom". After removing the fork from my eye, I explained what I really meant!

Learningcurve, also on the subject of food, related this:  

A friend took his Thai wife on holiday to the UK to meet his parents. On the first Sunday the family sat down to a traditional Sunday lunch. Half way through the meal my friend excused himself from the table to visit the bathroom. When he re-entered the dining room his wife asked in a loud voice "Have you had a good shit?"

A Thai lady, SiamOne also contributed her own dinner party faux pas: - I was at dinner party in London, we were talking about tattoos I said I wanted one, they politely asked me where. I replied "up my bum".

Stunned silence, until my hubby explained I meant on top of my butt.

An excellent and intelligent bit of English usage was related by All4one :

my missus said she wanted to eat steak . Given a choice of 5, I ordered an oriental steak for her. When it came it was chopped beef with spices, shaped like a steak. She hit the roof as it wasn't a real steak....then the killer line...."This isn't a steak this is a MISTAKE”.

Daleyboy said: When we ordered Chinese food  the other night, I asked my wife what she wanted and she told me she wanted “fu*king duck”…

More food, this time in a supermarket, from Ericd:  

My ex Thai wife had been living with me in the UK for about a year. We were at the supermarket checkout together and she kept on pulling out a bag of sugar from the other groceries and refusing to let the cashier put it through the till. We both asked her why? She pointed to a nearby display of a completely different product which in large letters pronounced it to be "SUGAR FREE" !!!

On another famous occasion we were in bed together and I passed wind. She turned over and said:  "How many dog die stomach you?"

Death

And talking about death, Insight related that his ex, trying to ask if we cremate dead people back home, asked "When you have people die, you have BBQ mai?"

Leftcross added that his girlfriend said she was going to ''bomb uncle''. Turns out he was getting cremated!

Scatology

There were a lot of scatolological linguistic mishaps on the thread, evidenced by Nysan’s contribution:  I thought a friend said:"I surprise you. I have diarrhea express."

I suggested that she should go to the drugstore and buy some medicine. Then she got frustrated and hung up on me.

In the end I discovered she had taken a free magazine called "Daily Express" for me.

Beerchang added:  When I first met the wife-to-be and with farang friends, I jokingly called her 'you little sh*t' and said it was cute-speak, like for babies. 

Years later, I had to apologise to an American couple on our honeymoon at the swimming pool on Koh Samet when my wife said to their kid..."You want swim you liitle sh*t"

Mca’s  6 year old daughter, had also been learning bad words from her father:

We were out driving as a family and a songtaew pulled out from the side of the road right in front of me without checking if it was clear. From the back seat my daughter said: "Daddy that man can't drive for shit can he?"

Cue a "Where did she get that from?" look from my wife and a "Haven't a clue " shoulder shrug from me.

And Tatom added: We used to live in the US and my mother really loved my wife. I think it was her innocence and honesty my mother liked. One day my mother telephoned and my wife answered. Mother: "Hello dear, is Tom home?". Wife: " yes, he's in the bathroom, sh*tting".

Very Bollocks

There were some great (mis)uses of the English language as well: aaaaaa said: my wife was watching some TV program or news and commented to me: "you see that monk and that monkey...." - she was actually referring to a nun.

Prestburypark added: I was moaning about being bored up country, she agreed (lying, as she loves it up there), "yes, nothing happen, many times".

Duality related an excellent exchange with his girlfriend. ME - " ohhh bollocks!" Girlfriend: - "yes very bollocks".

I also liked this from Lampard10: I was woken up one night by a thump round the ear. 'I dreamt you with other lady ' was my wife’s excuse.

I Love Man?

Roscoe told the following great tale:  Sitting at one of the bars on the cut through between soi 7 and soi 8 (second road end ) Pattaya with my friend.
A bar girl started chatting to him "where you from? English?"
"No" he said. "Isle of Man"
"Ok"says the bar girl , and goes away. Five minutes later she returns with a handsome if somewhat effeminate male. She introduces Martin to him with the immortal words”:

"He love man"!

Penzman told a pleasant tale:  We eat at the same shop every day and have become great friends with the family who runs it. There are quite a few shops next to it and a park for kids to play. Two women who were having beer next door decided to take a pee in the bushes. The shop lady told my girlfriend who then translated to me: " They better watch out for the snake not to bite their kisstoris"

And finally, SamuiRes  My Thai wife and I were driving home one night and I had a Robbie Williams CD on with him singing the Nat King Cole standard "Straighten up and Fly Right!" In all seriousness she asked me "Why he sing about fried rice?" I had to stop the car until I could stop laughing and explain to her why.

Excellent.

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