A typical conversation with my wife (part 2)

[Pattaya One]

I am reviewing an excellent thread on Thai Visa, called “A Typical Conversation with my Wife”, which chronicles linguistic mix-ups and misunderstandings with posters’ better halves.

And what better place to continue the thread than with Moonrakers.

Wife: I have to go out

Me: Where

Wife: I have to go and see the Royal

Me: Eh?

Wife: I have to go and see the Royal

Me: The Royal? Why would the royals want to meet you?

Wife: For business, the Royal.

Me: WTF?

Wife: You know I have to go and see the Royal, for the company registration documents.

Me: Don't you mean the lawyer?

Wife: Yes, the royal.

Me: OK then.

Rideswings recounted a scary tale of swarms of night bees in Phuket.

So my darling wife and I were strolling back from Phuket's Patong beach a while back and I was remarking on how lovely Phuket is and how lovely Phi Phi was as well, when she suddenly informed me that Phuket has night bees.

I looked at her and asked her again, "Night Bees?" and she said "yes night bees. Phi Phi not have night bees."

In my horror, I imagined swarms of flying insects wantonly killing every living thing in sight. I had been in Phuket before and had never heard of these bees. I had visions of the African locusts that just annihilate everything, so I thought it would be best if we stayed inside that night.

 A few minutes later I asked her about the bees. "They come at night?"

She looked at me blankly.

"The bees, do they come only at night?"

Again a blank stare which usually means I need to think about what she said again.

Then it dawned on me... we were talking about how much nicer Phuket is than Phi Phi…It also has a nicer beach than Phi Phi... So the night bees were actually ……..a “nice beach”.

I felt for PoorSucker with his tale of confusion over a carnivorous legless reptile:

Mrs PoorSucker: Going market, you want snake?

Mr PoorSucker: Hmmm, snake I'm not in the mood for snake.

Mrs PoorSucker: No stupid, you want snake?

Mr PoorSucker: I think snakes should not be killed.

Mrs PoorSucker: Not Snake, Snake, snake.

Mr PoorSucker: ????..... Oh you mean snack.

Mrs PoorSucker: Yes snake....

With Thai-foreigner driving mishaps, misunderstandings and mayhem very common in Thailand, Sharecropper divulged one of his chauffeur-driven capers.

 

Wife (driving): “Are you going to the post office”

Me: “No”.

Wife drives to the post office

Me: “Why have you come here”?

Wife: “You said you wanted to go”!

Tonto21 confided that my wife tries to talk too fast in English, and in her haste to convey something, sometimes she will leave out whole sentences, or she will add unusual words.

My favorite was “Mayday, Mayday the dog’s blown up!” - The dog was being sick.

And finally, Matan believing foreigners ought to be better at resolving these problems, and should use a more logical approach to many of these domestic issues, offered this:

I ask Thais to repeat an English word I don't understand, then I ask them to try it in Thai, then if that fails, to  spell it in English, therefore resolving the misunderstanding and continuing with the conversation.

Of course this is nowhere near as romantic as asking them to repeat it over and over again, which has all the productivity of bashing your face against the doorknob when the door won't open, instead of trying something new.

He gave an excellent example of how his method would work:, by reference to the above:

Her: I have to see a Royal.
Me: Royal. Can you say that again?
Her: Royal.
Me: In thai?
Her: Thanai.
Me: I don't know that. Can you spell it in English?
Her: L-A-W-Y...
Me: Ohh, lawyer, right. Law-yuh.
Her: Law-yuh. Thanai.
Me: I love your beautiful eyes. Don't forget all the documents.

As opposed to this:

I have to go see a Royal.
What?
Royal.
What?
Royal.
What?
Royal.
What?
Royal.
To hell with you, wench, just get me a bloody six pack on the way back.

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